Misplaced Blankies

In the early morning hours Sherri awoke to the bitter cold of the night. Goose bumps covering her body and skin feeling as cold as ice, she reached for her beloved fluffy blankets. Pawing in the darkness they were nowhere to be found. She shivered in the dark moving closer to her husband, as she leaned close to his body she felt her fluffy blankets. He had stolen them in his sleep and half of them were on the floor. Annoyed and half asleep she struggled to bring them back on the bed. Several times throughout that night she fumbled for her blankets, losing sleep, patience and her mind. Many couples all over the world encounter this issue on a nightly basis.

One would hardly argue the fact that marriage is based on trust and sharing. The concept seems to be straightforward and simple, yet when it comes to the simple concept of sharing in the sleeping arrangment everything is out the window. The problem seems to be a universal one. You go to bed with an equal amount of covers but sometime during the night your awakened to the bitter cold air hitting your exposed body. What has happened? You are simply facing the problem that millions of newly married couples face nightly. You are not alone if you believe that the solution lies in placing more covers on the bed. Soon your bed has become five inches taller and simply lifting the covers to crawl under them at night seems like preparations for the upcoming Olympia contest.

You ponder the possible causes for the covers to migrate during the night to your spouse's side of the bed. Surely your spouse is not responsible for such a selfish act. The answer must lie in some anomaly of nature. The cover fairy infiltrates the bedroom during the night removing the covers from you and placing them on your spouse. This problem at first appearance seems to be a simple one, but in reality it is much more serious.

A person of average intelligence knows the importance of uninterrupted sleep. The sudden jolt from a tranquil sleep due to the shifting of ones covers produces the release of numerous endorphins within the human body. The effects of these endorphins carry over until the following day. Many solutions to this problem have been tried at no avail.

The use of 16 penny nails to secure ones covers to the side of the bed seems to be a popular practice although limited success has been achieved using this method. Another popular method is the technique of mattress tucking. This technique entails a simple tucking procedure, which secures the blankets and provides somewhat limited protections from the removal and displacement. This technique although popular proves to be ineffective against a determined spouse set on depriving the other of a cozy warm nights sleep.

Anoher attempt to solve this problem is by using masking tape to tape your spouse to the bed to prevent swiping of the covers when your least expect it. Using this technique posed problems and legal issues due to increased risk of people going into cardiac arrest. Other than the serious health risks, it made many spouses unhappy and frightened to wake up taped to the bed in the middle of the night.

One technique is also thought to hold the answer to this perplexing problem; it is referred to as the Tuck and Roll. The Tuck and Roll is a technique in which the victim simply tucks and rolls one quarter of a roll away from their spouse. The rolling action winds the covers under thier body, which in turn protects them from a last night steal. It soon proved to be a failure due to some people feeling claustrophobic being wrapped up like a soft taco.

After pioneering over many nights of trial and error, my good friend and colleague Dr. Ineeda Naptime from the Life Disturbances Institute finally found the solution to this seemly endless porblem. You must train your spouse no to steal the blankets. To do so, you must attach an alarm to the blankets, so anytime they attempt to steal them it goes off waking them up and pulls the blankets back to your side of the bed. this alarm is called the Sleepinator and was recently invented by Dr. Naptime. She herself was once a longtime sufferer of having her blankets stolen in the middle of the night. The Sleepinator can be found in Walmart stores across the country for a low price of $79.95. It is easy to install, taking only ten minutes of your time to set up Over a period of time, the habit of blanket theft will subside leaving couples content and warm. Those who have bought the Sleepinator claim it has forever changed thier lives and swear they cannot live without this product. One person claimed it was a gift from God, a holy miracle.

Utilizing this product one can find themselves enjoying a full night of warm uninterrupted sleep. The beauty of this solution lies in the fact that any attempt to defeat it simply results in the spouse pulling you closer to them to keep from setting the alarm off. The fringe benefits of this alone make this product well worth it.