Misplaced Identity

I was never a popular person and I didn't really fit in anywhere, but I happened to stumble across a group of people who told me I was really cool and that I could hang out with them. But there was one regulation, one tiny little condition I had to comply to. I had to change who I was and become someone else. And because I didn't want to lose their friendship I decided to agree. So, I took my identity off and I left it, well..."me", in a corner. I figured, "I'll still be there when I get back. It's just for a little while." So I put on the "me" they created.

I had so much fun with them and I even got into a little trouble. But, after awhile the fun started to die down and I didn't like the "me" they created anymore. So, I decided to go back to my corner and put on the old me again but when I got there I was gone! I couldn't believe it and I thought to myself, "Oh my God! I've been stolen! Who would do such a thing? I mean really, who would just walk up and steal somebody's...self, their identity?" But after spending weeks of accusing everyone of stealing me, I realized that I hadn't been stolen; I just couldn't remember where I put "me". In that moment, I was hit with the truth, I lost ..."me"! Now, I know what you're thinking God. You're thinking, "Who loses themself? How does that even happen?" Right? But I can assure you it was an accident. That's why I decided to search my House of Weakness and see if I could locate my identity.

I searched everywhere in that house trying to find me but everywhere I looked I wasn't there. I opened my closet of shame but all I found was guilt and discouragement. I looked under my bed of goals but all that was there was dust-covered hopes and long-forgotten dreams. I rummaged through my drawer of mistakes but all I found was more condemnation. So, I rifled around my cabinet of success believing, "Oh, I've found me now!" But instead, all I found was my potential. I ransacked my desk of memories and found only pain and unforgiveness. I scoured every nook and cranny in my attic of relationships, but all I found was insufficiency. I turned over every rock of desire but found only human limitation. Finally, I went down to my basement of hopelessness and came across the box marked "old me". And wouldn't you know it, there I was! I marveled at how perfectly I fit inside that little box and wondered, "How in the world did I get down here? Who put me in this basement of hopelessness? Oh well, I'm glad I found me."

But here's the problem, God. When I tried to put the old me back on, I made a terrible discovery. I had changed so much that I didn't fit me anymore! And trust me, I tried! I did my best to shove my overgrown guilt into my too small heart. My outsized discouragement refused to conform to my imprisoned spirit. You won't believe how hard I tried to cram my low self-esteem into my self-hating soul. And don't get me started on my fear of society. I did all I could to stuff it into my introverted personality. But it wouldn't fit! None of it would fit! So, here's where you come in, God. Can you help me fit into me again?

What do you mean no? That's not the real me, you say? I'm a new creature? Filled with the Holy Ghost and walking in authority? Wait, I have authority? Huh, who knew? What else can you tell me about this real me? I'm the righteousness of God in Christ? That can't be! I'm called to the nations to bring your healing word of salvation? This is me we're talking about, right? You want me to stand up in front of bunch of people I don't know and speak your words of encouragement to the broken? You do know I'm never going to do that, right? Well, okay if you say so God. But here's my last question. Where can I find this me of which you speak? In your Holy Word? Let me take a look at that. Wow, there I am! I found me! You mean to tell me I was in your heart of grace and wrapped in your arms of mercy all along? Now, why didn't I think to look there?

Well, your word says that I must put on the new man who is being renewed in knowledge after your image, so let me put on the real me. Would you look at that, I fit perfectly! And it's roomy in here. What's all that extra space for? For future growth, you say? Okay, well that makes sense. I must admit, I look this me so much better than the old one.
Thank you God, for removing my guilt and discouragement. Thank you, for restoring my hopes and dreams, ridding me of condemnation, pain, and unforgiveness. Thank you for breaking my bonds of human limitation. Thank you for helping me find me. And before I go, just one last request. The next time I try to take off my identity and leave "me" in a corner somewhere, could you just, you know, stop me? I would really appreciate that, 'cuz it sucks not knowing who or where you are and I'd hate to lose myself again. Oh and God? I know I said this already but, thank you, thank you, thank you for helping me find my misplaced identity. I won't lose it again, I promise.