Mistakes to Avoid when Dating a Single Parent

When you enter a relationship with a person who has children, not only do you take on a new partner, you take on a ready made family. The difficulties for both you and your partner can be long lasting and sometimes painful as everyone adjusts to the situation. Learning how to get along with your partner's children is a matter of trial and error, but the effects of any mistakes made can last for a long time. In order to avoid making them, there are some things you need to know.

Never try to buy a child's affection

If your date is parent to a child who isn't warming to you, don't try to change their opinion of you by buying them gifts. It might seem like a good temporary fix but it will soon put a dent in your wallet. Whether the children are young and unaware of what you are doing or older and milking you for all you're worth, the moment you stop buying the presents, they will begin to dislike you again. A better way to win their approval is to get to know them by finding out about their interests and spending time with them. Yes, the process takes much longer but it is also far more rewarding when you finally win them over.

Don't put your own needs before those of your partner's children

This is one of the top mistakes to avoid when dating a single parent. You must understand that the children will always come first. If the two of you have plans for a dinner date but one of your partner's children becomes unwell and they want to cancel, accept the decision. Don't whine and complain about being "second best" or you will quickly find yourself living the single life again.

Don't discipline your partner's children

The rules about whether or not to discipline your partner's children can be a little blurry. If the kids are jumping all over you and pulling your hair, you are well within your rights to tell them stop. However, until you have laid down some specific guidelines with your partner regarding discipline and punishments, you should completely avoid scolding them. Mistakes in this area could damage your relationship, so avoid acting without thinking. Talk to your partner first.

Show an interest in the children, even when they aren't present

All parents love to talk about their children. Single parents can be particularly keen to discuss their kids, especially if the mother or father of their children is no longer in the picture. This means that hearing about their problems and achievements will likely fall to you. It may not enthrall you to hear about the latest potty training update but if you want to stay with your partner, you'd better get used to it. You should always make an effort to ask about the children because it shows a level of commitment. If that is missing, the relationship will not last for as long as you might have hoped.

Don't try to be a replacement parent

A common mistake made when dating a single parent is the instinct to step in and be a parent too. While it is important to form a connection with your partner's children, you should avoid any attempts to fill a role that is not yours. As well as not disciplining the children, you should also steer clear of undermining your partner's rules and trying to force the children to call you "Mom" or "Dad".

There are many pitfalls you could potentially stumble across when dating a single parent. The most important thing to keep in mind is that being in a relationship with someone who has children will be a much slower process than dating someone who is childless. If you really care for your partner, you need to understand that there is no quick way to gain acceptance from their children. It takes patience, persistence and a great deal of self control.