Mitt Romney's Ultimate Flip-Flop (Satire)

Already facing charges of being a flip-flopper on issues such as abortion and gay rights, Mitt Romney has stunned the political world with his announcement that he is no longer a Mormon.

"I just got tired of all the questions about my Mormon faith," Romney told a group of enthusiastic supporters. "Everywhere I went, it was 'Mormon this' and 'Mormon that'...Frankly, I was fed up."

Asked what religion he now subscribes to, Romney declared, "I've decided to worship Satan. I understand that this might generate some controversy, but certainly not as much as the whole Mormon thing."

Republican supporters of the former governor were thrilled with the news. Pat Robertson was quoted as saying, "Now that he's no longer a Mormon, it will be easier for the Christian community to support him. I think it will guarantee him the nomination. Of course, the whole Satan thing is kind of weird, but I think Christians will be willing to look past that. At least he's not a Mormon!"

Romney's wife, Ann, when asked about her husband's decision, was philosophic. "When you're running for president, you sometimes have to make some changes in your life, and if this will garner a few more votes for Mitt, then I'm all for it, and besides, he looks stunning in his new robe!"

Some Republicans, however, still have concerns that voters may not support a Satanist candidate and are urging Romney to make a Kennedy-style speech in order to reassure Americans that, as president, he would be his own man and not take his marching orders from Satan. Romney is said to be considering such an option, saying, "Satan is a great guy, but I believe the current administration has shown all of us that it's not wise to allow him to get involved in politics."

A spokesman for Satan has welcomed Romney into the fold, saying, "We were a little concerned at first. There was some suspicion that it was a trick -- that he may have been some sort of double agent, sent to us from Salt Lake City in order to learn about our really cool secret ceremonies. But after a lengthy interview, we are convinced that he really is a disciple of the Dark Prince."

For Romney, the decision to resign from the Mormon church has benefits beyond just the obvious political ones, telling a reporter recently, "When I woke up this morning, I had my very first cup of coffee. I never dreamed that something could taste that good!"