Molestation, Rape, Incest, Sexual Assault and Recovery:

On November 5^th, 2010 many in the nation may have tuned into the first program in history to support men in speaking out about their history, myths, fears, doubts and recovery from incest, molestation, rape, sexual assault and what it means to be set up or groomed into the process as a child and otherwise. This was aired on the Oprah Show at 4pm EST/3pm CST. The show has a conclusive follow up show on November 12^th, 2010 also airing 4pm EST/3pm CST. (1)

When it comes to these heinous crimes it has nothing to do with the false beliefs that the one who was victimized was in any way the cause or deserved what happen to them, or it is just a simple crime of passion or love. Harm of this nature, sexual assault, rape and molestation are about control, power and manipulation of the person being victimized.

The meaning of being groomed is the process in which the perpetrator is creating a relationship of trust with the individual. This person does so by most traditional standards of people getting acquainted, except it begins to go to an extreme and with conditions. Such examples would be an individual becoming a family friend or already a blood relative that is close to a child and is permitted to be caretaker having first proven trust some how in a few trial times with the family spending time with the child, perhaps gifting, even with a pet and even fitting into other needs to complete whatever reputation the family may seek. Eventually, the perpetrator makes requests in trade of the child, much like a favor for a favor in order to take control and manipulate the child to do as desired. Implications and threats are made, such as warning not to tell since it would be the child that wouldn't be trusted or believed by parents, etc since the adult is so close to the parents and so forth. This is the grooming process that leads most often to the acts of molestation and rape.

As a result, the one being victimized, step by step, believes they will not be trusted or believed and inevitably doesn't report the harm timely enough to hopefully save them selves.

Every 2 minutes someone in the US is sexually assaulted, according to the US Justice Department statistics. 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually assaulted before age 18 according to statistics from Finkelhor, 1992. One study found that 34% of sexual assaults occurred when victims were less than 12 years old; 33% occurred between the ages of 12-17; and 14% occurred between the ages of 18-24, per Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law enforcement: Victim, Incident, and Offender Characteristics; U.S. Department of Justice Statistics, 2000. (2)

Some basic recommendations as recognizing and taking steps in recovery are:

• To be willing to feel in order to heal
• Learn to breathe deeply and slowly; implement tools available in mindful practices to feel control over your mind, body and spirit
• Ask for help and then ask for support, this is essential
• And practice daily positive affirmations in order to reprogram the negative messages you received in your past and learned growing up (3)

An additional resource for information, definitions, to get involved and/or to get help is RAINN, Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network; also Pandora's Project.

In support of a loved one; believe them - don't blame or judge them; it is not their fault; listen; don't pretend it never happened; listen; thank them for sharing and be supportive; don't insist or pressure a partner for sex; how you react can have a big impact on them, so listen and encourage counseling.

(1) Oprah/200men: http://www.oprah.com/showinfo/A-Two-Day-Oprah-Show-Event-200-Men-Who-Were-Molested-Come-Forward_1

(2) PAVE: http://www.pavingtheway.net/statistics.html

(3) Oprah/200men First Steps towards Healing: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Sexual-Abuse-Survivors-First-Steps-Toward-Healing/2