Molested by My Teacher
I was Molested by My Teacher when I was Eleven Years Old
I was an awkward and gawky girl of eleven. I had developed early and was quite embarrassed by my new body; boys had a way of pointing it out to me. You know, the game of pulling the bra strap and commenting on my chest- guessing what numbers and letters were imprinted on the little tag tucked inside. I would walk through the school halls with my arms folded in front of my chest, clutching my books or lunch box, as if they would some how protect me. As uncomfortable as those games made me feel, it was nothing compared to what would ensue, you see, I was molested by my teacher.
I was in the sixth grade, I'm 39 years old now, but I still remember the incident, though I don't like to talk about it. You see, I wasn't threatened verbally, wasn't raped, but I was molested by my teacher and instantly came shame, confusion, and a loss of my innocence. I had missed several days of school; I believe I had a case of Strep Throat. When I had returned to school, the teacher had told me that I needed to see him after class to get some work assignments that I had missed. He specified for me to come back to class at the end of the day. When I came to the class, he told me to wait, that he had to make sure the busses left. I didn't' think much about it, I just sat there like a trapped fly never realizing that I was already entangled in the web. I didn't even know what the words molest, fondled, or sexual abuse meant. I didn't even know about sex yet. How could I fathom what was about to ensue?
He returned to the class and asked me to put some social studies hangings on the wall. Well, I don't want to get into details, but as he had me stand on the counter, we can just say that his hands began to explore places I had never experienced before. That wasn't the end of it. He had me sit on his lap and began to complete his exploration of my body. It was a Friday and he had given me a box of chocolates. Isn't that odd? I don't know why he gave me these chocolates, but loving chocolates; I took them home and ate them. At the time, I don't think my mother thought it was strange that my teacher had given me a box of chocolates.
So there I was, home, molested by my teacher and not having a clue what had happened, or how it would affect my life. I thought that he was my boyfriend. Can you believe that? My older sisters had talked about boyfriends and I began to listen more intently to their conversations, after all, I had a boyfriend too, and he gave me chocolates. It wasn't very long after that encounter that I began to act more seductive. I remember trying to show my bra strap, like it had accidentally slipped out of my shirt. I don't have any clue the psychological reasoning behind it, but I know one thing, you can't walk away from sexual abuse unchanged, no matter how old you are, or think that you have it together- it will affect you.
Continued to Molested by My Teacher Part 2
Published by Charisse Van Horn
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9 Comments
Post a CommentHope, you should open up to your family it will be such a relief.
Situations will not be made worse only better.
This is about you not them.
And Charisse thanks giving people a chance to open up.
I was molested as a child too.i was about 8 when it started. the pain is so much to bear sometimes that I start begging god to get me out of this pain. But the pain still remains.I just turned 18.no one knows about this.not even my parents.i wish so much to tell them.but i know it will only make situations worse.I just felt like i needed to tell someone.I came to this site and just had too.I want to heal.feel normal again.don't know when that will happen.i wish it never happened to me. why did it happen to me? why?sometimes i blame my parents for not noticing it.but then they just have not much exposure on this subject.its sad.i cry almost every night before going to sleep.its just too painful.all i want is help.but i dont know whether i can ever get that without telling my parents.
To Sandwhich Artist: Meki G is right in mentioning God. When I was a child, I greatly questioned my faith in God after being molested. I "blamed" God for not protecting me. I was a young child with a heart full of love for God and I could not comprehend how he could "let" something so tragic like sexual abuse happen to me. It took me many years to come back to God, and when I did, I came back with the realization that God did not "molest or abuse" me- it was my teacher.
God gives everyone free will- and in that free will comes sin. He didn't cause my teacher to molest me, and he doesn't cause the evil things in this world to take place. People cause the evil things they do and it is my belief that they will be held accountable before God for what they do. My belief is that God "allows" things like this to happen, because He has given us "free will" but with that freedom comes accountability, and ultimately judgment for those who do not repent.
I'm sorry for your pain, S. I pray that you find total healing. I know how hard it is- sexual abuse is so damaging, that we often don't recognize the full effects until we are in adulthood. You are in my prayers.
I'm sorry that this happened to you.
Meki g, I have to say please do not include "God" in a discussion on child abuse. If God can heal such a thing, why would he allow it?
As for Charrisse's story, thank you for sharing, it's good to hear people coming forward, it must be extremely hard, the key is to educate people and encourage children that if something an adult - no matter what their position/authority is - does makes them feel upset/embarrassed/ashamed, the MUST tell someone soon. Do you give talks for child protection groups etc? It may be an idea, prevention is better than cure. :)
Charisse, what a horrible thing to happen to you. I admire your bravery in sharing this, I know it's probably not easy. Hopefully your story can help women who have gone through this know that they're not alone and that it wasn't their fault. Thanks for posting.
this is a pain that only God can heal. The ordeal can make you or break you. Things that happen to children can shape their little lives for and eternity unless we talk about these things and let them know how to speak up. Thanks so much for being a voice
What a sad story. Sorry to hear about your pain.