Mom Gets Cyber-bullied on Popular Website

Millions of people belong to online communities. There are communities for every person and every hobby. People can meet, chat with, teach, and learn from others around the world. One website that I had been a member of since 2006 is Cafemom.com . Mothers from all over the world could share tips with each other on every issue.

Cafemom began in late 2006 as an online community where mothers could offer positive support to one another in their daily lives. Members could join or create groups that were meant to be a supportive, mature, and appropriate atmosphere for mothers to share advice and stories with each other.

Cafemom was a great place for so many reasons. I was able to learn more about working from home, organizing my time, and got some of the best recipes in my collection from other women on the site. Once a member, a few simple clicks could lead you to a discussion about beauty, home decorating, juggling work and home, caring for pets, caring for your marriage, discipline, and many other pressing issues that mothers face every day. There were groups for military moms, firefighter moms, moms with illnesses, moms that worked in offices, moms that stayed at home, and moms that wanted a good debate now and then. There was something for everyone, and everyone joined and loved it!

At one point in time the staff at Cafemom began declining certain groups from forming. Groups cannot be created without the approval of Cafemom first. One in particular was a group that was for Caucasian women. Eventually, a group formed for pale skinned mommies and there were few members. Debate groups were watched closely to ensure that the terms of service were honored by all members and that all debates were tastefully done. Of course there were times when a mom would hit below the belt in an inappropriate way, but Cafemom always stepped to address the issue.

Over the years, I noticed groups arise that were inappropriate. Of course, groups are not mandatory and you are able to choose which groups you would like to be a part of. Partaking in groups that had nothing to do with being a mother and that were rude and offensive was a choice. But why was Cafemom approving these groups?

The Cafemom guidelines and general information page, found here has information about the site and why it was created. This information leads women to believe that they are safe and in the company of other moms that are respectful towards others. The guidelines continue to state that if any mom feels that the Terms of Service have not been adhered to, you may report a violation. Messages, groups, profiles, and comments can all be reported to the Cafemom staff.

I always had faith in the Cafemom team and thought that their guidelines would be adhered to. Until one day, when a member reached out to me with some disturbing information. She shall remain anonymous per her request. She joined a group, that for legal reasons I can not disclose. However, you may find the homepage for the group here . There are statements that let the members know that this is a group of disrespectful women that will insult you and twist your words into something else.

Of course, the very first thing I wondered was why Cafemom would allow such a group to form and maintain existence. This did not seem like a group that belonged on Cafemom. In the 4 years I had been a member, I was under the impression that a group with no maternal values that would be created for the sole purpose of insulting each other would be declined before its creation. Apparently I was mistaken.

This woman reached out to me because she was active in the group. She had been throwing insults and comebacks with the other women. She said "I became a member of the group because it seemed like a place where I could cuss and be mean" adding that "I am not that kind of person, so to be that way in an online group was exciting and a good outlet for me".

It was when she was told by another member to wet dream of your daddy that she reached out privately to that member, advising her that she had been a victim of rape and thought such a comment was too touchy for her. She made this member aware of the fact that this was private information and she did not want it shared by others. Almost immediately, there was a post about the woman that was raped and how she is being a Nancy and crying about it. She tried to defend herself, but she was against many women on this forum, telling her that it was her fault, that she wanted it, they even renamed her screen name, putting the word rape in the front.

One member insinuated that rape is a joke, another member told her to go cry somewhere else, that the people in the group did not care if she was raped by animals. This was the beginning of over one hundred comments made to this woman about her rape. Things that I could not repeat if I tried were said to this woman. They taunted her and hurt her. I was absolutely appalled that Cafemom had a serious case of cyber-bullying and nothing was being done.

She was kicked out of the group by the group owner when she hit the REPORT THIS button. She said "I am happy not to be in the group anymore". But then she received a message from a member of the group telling her that people are still talking about her rape. She said there were people saying really bad things about her. At this point, it had been 24 hours and she had yet to hear from the Cafemom team.

So, attempting to take matters into her own hands, she posted in a group run by the Cafemom team her issue with the group and what was said. She then received a strongly worded message from the Cafemom team that if she is going to complain about the groups on their website, she must do it according to the Terms of Service. She responded to that message and the only response was that if they found anything out of line they would correct it.

During this time, she received many harassing messages from the group's owners telling her that Cafemom will never shut them down. Maybe she was right. Maybe this is the kind of website that Cafemom has evolved into.

Almost a week later, the group and all of its members remain. The latest activity was less than a minute ago (from the time I am typing). The woman that was the victim of this attack has not heard anything else from the Cafemom team. Not even an apology has been given to this poor woman. Thank goodness she is strong and has not contemplated suicide as many others have after a bout of cyber-bullying.

Cafemom, shame on you for allowing a woman to be bullied on your clock, and shame on you for not taking appropriate measures that it will never happen to another woman. I have deleted my Cafemom account as a result of this. It is with great hope that many women will follow that example. Do not be a part of a website that promises a safe and warm environment but then condones the bullying and harassment of a woman that was raped. What a horrendous thing that happened to her, and to not be backed up by the Cafemom team makes it even worse!