"Mom, I'm Pregnant!"--Words You Don't Want to Hear from Your Sixteen Year Old Daughter

"Mom, I'm pregnant." Your sixteen year old daughter's words hit you like a ton of bricks. You stare at her momentarily, stunned and hoping you heard her wrong. Surely she didn't just say those three little words. But then she starts to cry.

"I'm so scared, Mom. What am I going to do? I'm not ready to have a baby."

As you wrap your arms around your daughter, your little girl, your baby, you honestly don't know what to say. She is much too young to be in this situation. At sixteen, she is still a child herself. She just got a driver's license the month before. She still sleeps with a teddy bear.

As her tears slowly fade away, she sniffs and looks up at you. "Tell me what to do, Mom." In her red-rimmed eyes, you see the expectation. She has turned the problem over to you to fix. Like the skinned knee and the bruised arm, she thinks you can just kiss it and make it better. And oh, how you wish you could, especially this. But it's not as simple as that. Like it or not, she has created an adult situation that will have to be handled as an adult. She has created the most precious thing in the world. A baby.

As you struggle with your own conflicting emotions, you pray for guidance to help her make the right decisions. You feel shock, sadness, and yes, a little anger. How could she let this happen? She knows about the birds and the bees. She's listened to the "talk". You've always been upfront and honest with her about sex and its consequences. You're not one of those parents who says, "Oh, I don't have to worry about my daughter. She won't do that." You knew the temptation was out there and you talked to her about it several times.

So how did you end up here? And where do you go from here? You know she expects you to help her and help her you will. However, most of the decisions will really have to be made by her. She will have to decide whether to keep the baby or put it up for adoption. You hope she will not even think about an abortion, but that is an option that she will have to make. If she decides to keep the baby, her whole life will change. It will change anyway, no matter what she decides, but if she keeps the baby, her own childhood is over.

But even in the midst of the anger, sadness, and shock, you feel that pang of love, of excitement. This is your grandchild and the instant your daughter said she was pregnant, "it" became a baby to be held and loved. Depending on your daughter's choices, the baby may not be held and loved by you, but he will always be held and loved in your heart.

You know she has some tough choices ahead of her. You also know that whatever she decides, it will also affect your life. Quite simply, there's no way she can support and raise a baby on her own. So you will have to provide support, both physically and financially. And you will. There's no question about that. The baby will be, after all, your grandchild.

As you sit down to discuss the facts, you try to keep your emotions intact. Screaming or shouting at her won't help the situation. Neither will crying or asking how this could have happen. It did, and now comes reality.

You wipe away her tears and square your shoulders. "First things first. Are you sure you're pregnant? And if you are, then the first thing you have to do is see a doctor. Let's make sure you're healthy, and then we will work out the solution." She nods and you can see the relief on her face. She knows you will guide her and help her. She knows she can depend on you to help her make the right decisions. After all, that's what parents do.