Moments that Go by in the Day Usually Unrecognized

Richie Kennel is having a yard sale.

"How much is this?" asked a customer, referring to a limited edition plastic cup.

"A million dollars," he replied.

"A million dollars? Really?" replied the five foot tall, three-hundred pound man with a smirk on his face.

"Yes. It's my yard sale I can charge whatever I want," replied the "seller".

"Hmph. I shall shop elsewhere."

The man jumped in to his '74 Cadillac and drove off.

Another customer approaches.

"Hello good day," he began, "How much for that set of lawn chairs over there?" This man wore a polo shirt with two chest pockets, one on each side. Rather strange.

"A million dollars," he replied.

"Ha Ha Ha, I know that one. Really, how much is it?" he asked sternly.

"I told you. One million dollars. It is my yard sale, I can charge whatever prices I want," replied the "seller".

"Ha, I don't know that one. I really did want some lawn chairs, I collect 'um." He turned away and walked with his shoulders down but his head held somewhere in between.

The next customer, a frail old woman, poked our seller with a stick.

"Excuse me, how much is this antique, priceless set of pure gold playing cards, once used by the former president Dwight Eisenhower?"

"A million dollars," he replied.

"Well my stars, that's a bargain." She pulls out five dollars more than is needed. "Keep the change, fellow," she said.

"Thank you," replied the "seller." He walked away from the house with one million and five dollars in his pocket. Richie Kennel walks out the door.

"Honey, where did my priceless set of playing cards go?"

Story #2 - The Visitor

"Excuse me sir, you cannot enter here with that shovel," exclaimed the eleven foot, 3 pound cemetery attendant named Roger.

"May I ask why," yelled the grey-hooded intruder named Mr. Gable.

"This is a cemetery my good sir. There is only one thing that a shovel would be brought in here for."

"And what would that be?" asked Mr. Gable in a haste.

"Well..." he stopped what he was saying.

"I'm just visiting somebody," said Mr. Gable.

And he was.

As long as you're here

And as long as I'm not,

Bake the bread

And clean the pots.

Story #3 - Miracle

Rica Monayso has just ordered a slice of pie from his favorite eatery.

"WAITRESS!" he yells in a fury, "I specifically asked for some "Miracle Whip" on this here pie, but it obviously has "Cool Whip". Please take it back and make the necessary corrections."

"Oh. I thought you meant Cool Whip. Are you sure you want the Miracle Whip?" asked the Waitress, Betsy.

"I know what I like, and I like Miracle Whip on my pie. Now go!"

Stunned, the Waitress took the pie back and made a new one, with Miracle Whip instead of Cool.

"Here you are sir, one Turtle Pie with Miracle Whip."

"Why thank you. You shall receive a tip to correct proportions!"

It was the best Turtle Pie Rica ever had.

Story #4 - Frustration

A Sandwich shop employee gets ticked off.

"I told you mam, we serve sandwiches. You will have to go elsewhere to get your eyebrow waxed. I'm sorry," repeated the employee.

"Hmph! This is the last time I ever enter this restaurant!" she said with a growl. She walked out of the store and drove off in her eleven foot car.

"I'm telling yuh Bob, I just don't know how many more of these customers I can take. It seems like they just get stupider," said the employee to another.

Bob shook his head and continued washing dishes.

Four minutes pass and another consumer walks in. "Um yes, this sign here says that these six sandwiches are $2.99 each, and um, I was just wondering do you have to buy all six to get them at that price?" asked the sluggishly-haired consumer.

"No sir! It would be pretty much common sense that they are $2.99 each. Where would you get that you had to buy them all from?"

The sluggishly-haired consumer looked stunned, grabbed his pants and walked out the door.

The Employee begins to the back to poor his soul out to another when he is stopped before he can make it.

"Excuse me sir, do you have the ingredients in your sandwiches, with a breakdown of each ingredient into particle form?" asked a wonderous saggy woman.

"NO! WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I HAVE THAT?! I JUST MAKE SANDWICHES! YOU EAT THEM! NO QUESTIONS! AGH!!!" he yelled and stormed out of the sandwich shop in a hurry.

He quit one day later.

If a day was a day

And the day didn't say

How much it would be

To pee in the sea

What would you say

If I had to pay

For the day to say

I love you?

Story #5 - Failure

"I need to get a 90% on my Content Area Enrichment final exam to be able to pass the 12^th grade," Little Joe Buttkiss thought to himself, "I'll study all night!"

Little Joe Buttkiss crammed everything he could about the shapes of fruits and vegetables into his head until he had to invent new ones for him to be able to continue to study.

He felt very prepared the next day at school. His teacher, Mrs. Cookston, passed out the exam in record time; twenty seven minutes and forty-three seconds.

"Alright children, you may begin," she stuttered.

Little flipped over his paper and began circling, scratching, and doodling until the three minutes they had left were up.

"PENCILS DOWN, NUMSKULLS!" she muttered.

Little felt confident in his test taking ability, although he could not get ANY sleep that night. His mind kept racing back over the test.

The next day at school Mrs. Cookston passed out the graded tests, Little's being on top.

"Here you are, Jester," she said.

At the top of his paper was "89.444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444."

Story #6 - Music

A musician plays a set.

"And I would like to take some requests now.." he says.

"Do you know "Foam-buster" on the Flute?" asked a skinny-haired, well built woman.

"Uh, no," he replied.

"How about "Yo-sit-on-me, I'm tired" by the Fresh Flavored Fist Five From Freedom, Florida?" shouted a man so tall a hole had to be cut in the roof for his head to stick out of.

"Uh, no," he replied.

"Do you know how to play "Rocket Mountain Dingo" by the Safari Brothers?" wondered Patty Smith, formally employed by the location of the concert.

"Uh, no," he replied.

"Then what do you know?!" responded a flat-chested individual.

"I know "Big Rock Candy Mountains!" he responded.

He played that song all night.

Story #7 - Stupidity

"Here is your diet cola mister" announced the gloomy teenager running the register at the local fast food joint.

"I have never ordered a diet cola in my life. I always order regular," replied the mister.

The teenager looked dumbfounded.

"It says right here you ordered a diet cola, now take it!" He crunched the cup in his hands.

"I shall not and will not!" replied the mister, "And I shall like to speak with the manager!"

The manager came out, and poured a fresh new non-diet cola for the mister.

"Thank you!" the mister said.

Born and let by,

Live and let lie.

Pain and let pie,

Die and let die.