Momma Said Singing Brings a Breeze.

I was born to a big woman who they called Manzy. She was known to pick more cotton than anyone else. My Pappy I don't remember because he died the day I was born. My Mammy said the day that I was born the moon slid strait over the sun. She called me Luena cause that was her grandmothers name. I always liked having a name just that came from the old people.

I was suppose to be special because of that moon. It changed the way my life went cause I was expected to be something. I don't know how special I was then but, now I look back as see someways I had a sort of learning no one else knew about.

I made my living as a midwife. Its a good life running to help women when their time came to be blessed. Its more than a living when you can get close to people like that. They say I have saved women who were in trouble. It just seems I have a feeling about what to do when a woman is having a hard time bringing us a new blessing. I have learned about honor so I never tell about what happens when a baby comes it just don't seem right cause that it a moment between a woman and the Good Lord.

I live in a house with my friend Jesse May and her daughter Elizabeth now. I was in the room when Elizabeth was born and cause of that she takes care of me. You see I am old an it is getting harder for me to make do getting around. My husband died of a fever while we were share cropping more than 20 years ago. I never married again. I figure one good an was all a woman was meant to find. Our children all passed while they were still growing. But, I still got to raise a few. They were Gods blessings cause mine died. I had plenty of blessings well, maybe not a lot of blessings but the ones I got were from the good lord no doubt.

I guess you just want to know about the Slavery and what I remember. Thats a lot to ask . But I know that it is a good thing to remember so that It don't happen too easy again. It is not forgotten for those of who made it through. Being in it made us who we are and young people don't realize how much the bad can make you good. It was not right I was never right thing to do treating people like dogs and I can say that . But I make the best of what I have and I remember in my mind sometimes. It makes me sing quiet like inside to know It can't happen to me again. I feel like Gods got a special place for me in that paradise cause I lived it the best I could .We all did.

The earliest thing I remember doing was walking in the field and hearing the singing about God. It was a warm singing and my people had a calmness about them the days they sang. They let us sing I think because we worked faster every time we started the singing. We didn't have songs written like they do today. We wrote most of them. some songs were so old that. That we could not understand all the words. But even though we could not tell you what the words meant we knew somehow what we were saying. I still sing when it is hot. My momma said singing brings a breeze.

I have never told no one this in my life. Most might think I am sick if I tell them about that last time Luther Got me on the stump. But, I gonna tell you cause if I don't it would be like it never happen when I die.. This day is in my head probably 40 years old. It plays for me over and over like a song you heard so many times that you forget to listen to the words.

You See, I was always in the masters eye. First time he took me behind the tree I was not even a woman yet. It was a hurtful mean thing me being so little like I was. Not like it is with a man and wife you know. I know that that ain't a right way to do a woman cause God made me just like he made him and I can say that. Some things are for special and no matter who you are. Or who someone thinks you are. Only a fool thinks that somebody does not matter. Besides loving ain't never about hurting.

Then, when something would go missing He always looked to me. I had taken a tater once. But he did not know about that. He always sent Luther to whip on me. At first I thought it was because of the moon that he kept looking at me but now I know It was because of the praying. Something in my heart told me he just wanted to make me bad like him.

Master was a scared man and I can say that now. I saw him some days looking at the slaves when they were in the field and I could see he was scared that he could get a beating to. Master had married me to Nester a dumb slave but Nester died one night and master got mad at me. He said I made Nester die. When everyone could tell nester was not right when he was born. And he would not get old because his legs were crooked. Master said I put a spell on Nester but ,Nester was born before me. So even then I knew I couldn't have made him dumb.

My mammy was about to die one day and I thought about her as I worked the patch behind the bean field. The others kept working fast like every day but, no matter how I tried I was slow. Luther told me to stop playing but, I got slower. I was pushing my legs but they would not move. My hands felt covered like I had wool gloves on. I knew I needed the lord but how could I talk to him right then. Luther whipped on me two times because he caught me down on my knees talking to the lord. He said he was keeping me from wasting Gods' time.

Someone cried out by the Shed and I did not think about it I just let me legs go down and my knees hit a big rock That laid on the end of a row. My mind knew Luther was gonna see me. But my body did it anyway. I prayed with sound. Real quick like. I was trying to get up before he saw me.

I don't remember how I got off the field but when I woke up I was on the big stump tied face down just like before. Luther tied a rope to my hands and feet and The rope was knotted into hooks that were posted into the ground. I was naked when I woke. already mounted for a whipping.

Luther whipped real hard. He liked the cat of nine tails. I know because he whipped me more than most. I didn't mean to but, when he would strike my arms and legs would pull on the ropes and most times the hooks would start to ease out of the ground. but not that last time Those hooks stayed in the ground solid like the devil was helping the ground be hard.

I smelled flowers all in my nose. I tasted something in my mouth that went with the flowers. So I put my mind on the flowers. Still can't find flowers just like that. And then I saw clean feet in front of me. They were brown like mine. But they didn't look like they ever needed any shoes. Luther struck the back of my legs real hard and my head just poked it self back like a babe being forced to pick up his head real quick. Then I could see a Gold like black man and flowers that I had been smelling. The were all over him. He was calm like the songs and been sung into him somehow. I stopped feeling.

Then, he told me the secret about praying. He said when I breathed in gods air it was a prayer. He said that God don't need me on my knees. God hears me all the day in my mind and in what my heart says to him. He came down on his knees and kissed my mouth like I was a new baby. His lips were so big they nearly overlapped onto his face and felt like a whole feather bed touched my lips when he kissed me. He put his had on my face and kept it there while Luther finished whipping and I didn't feel no more of the nothing but his hand. Even while Luther was saying it was wrong for animals to pray no hurt came. My neck let my head down and I saw his His toe nails were shiny like clean windows of the big house and then I saw two more feet coming close they stepped closer and then closer gliding as they pushed down the grass with each step. They were my mammy's' feet I knew that. But, they were clean and shiny. Smoothed up natural like and the scar that had always been on the top of her left foot was gone all healed. I could see the hem of the gown she was wearing sway in a cold breeze and then that breeze touched the open skin on my back. That cold breeze felt better than the gold black mans hand on my face or even his kiss. The Feet moved away and I hear yells of rejoice sing freedom in a new song that was being made that moment. The house slave was running and telling about Yankees and freedom. I began to feel the ropes relaxing from my wrists and ankles. It felt like they just fell away from me and as I bent my knees and with my naked bottom pushed into the air I felt my body rise onto strength. This was the day of a new time, a day of beginning like when babes come out of their mammy. Luther ran to the house to hide . And we slaves ran to the tree line free.