Mommy-Is-Away Behavior

I have heard about the perfect behavior from all the babysitters and nannies and my boyfriend. When I am gone, my daughter doesn't whine-at all. My son, who has ADHD, isn't as hyper and listens very well. My 73-year-old mother can take care of both kids alone and is not exhausted by the end of the day.

One afternoon a few years ago, I told my babysitter that I would meet her and the kids for lunch. There was a pause, and then she said-a little nervously-"Do you mind not coming? They get so whiny while you're around and they've been so easy all morning. "

The book "Get Out of My Life but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall?" by Anthony E. Wolf, Ph.D., is about parenting teenagers. But the author also talks about his daughter who, when she was two, struggled between expressing her independence and realizing that independence brings responsibility. So she would sit on the steps and cry.

I see my kids struggling with independence vs. responsibility. Though they feel great about the new responsibilities I give them as they get older, they still feel comfortable acting like babies around me. They both whine. Jessica will cry. Clark will revert to his hyper behavior we saw before he started taking meds.

The book also says that if you want to see what your teenager will be like when he or she is an adult, watch his or her away-from-home behavior. I think the same can be said for younger kids, except it's called mommy-is-away behavior.