Moms Who Bake the Cupcakes VS. Moms Who Buy Them

There are ideas that become generally accepted, whether or not those ideas are based in fact. One of those generally accepted ideas is the idea that the only acceptable treat to send to children's school/group parties is a homemade one. Generally, only homemade treats (particularly cupcakes) are seen as a sign that a mother cares enough to send the very best. There is often a hint of contempt in the voice of anyone who talks about " those mothers who run down to the store and pick up store-bought cupcakes".

With my youngest child in college, my cupcake days have been over for some time. With my oldest child's having started school in 1981 (which is when I first heard of The Cupcake Debate), I've noticed that over all the years between then and now every so often The Cupcake Debate once again arises. Occasionally, it rages. So, after having silently listened to The Cupcake Debate over the course of the last 26 years I thought it may be time to really analyze the meaning, morality, and measurement-of-the-mom associated with both store-bought and homemade cupcakes.

The first question to ask is why would any mother buy store-bought cupcakes when she could make them herself? The answer to that is not necessarily that she is too lazy or too busy for her child's party, although both of those answers are also possible ones. Another answer to that question, though, is that anyone who has ever brought a child by a bakery case and seen his or her eyes light up at the sight of particularly adorable, fun, or beautifully decorated cupcakes or cookies know how nice it can be to offer a child a particularly special and professional decorated cupcake or cookie. Let's face it: Its a rare mother who can turn out a cupcake that looks anywhere near as great as a bakery cupcake. Homemade cupcakes are often a little tilted or lumpy. Their frosting isn't usually as artfully applied. Often its just spread over the top of the homemade cake in a pretty unimpressive, unimaginative, unprofessional way. Moms who want to send something very special may believe that letting the professionals do the cakes really nicely is the more caring and special thing.

The second question to ask, of course, is why would any mother make cupcakes herself when she could "just go by them". One answer may be that she enjoys baking from scratch. Most moms, I'd venture, do not bake those homemade cupcakes from scratch, though. Most use a mix and a can of frosting, which does kind of take the "homemade" out of homemade; but which still shows a certain amount of enjoyment in making something nice for a school or group party. Many moms may make the cupcake-making event one to share with children, who can help. Others may prefer to mix up the batter once the children are asleep.

Besides the basic motives involved with each mother's preference there are also unspoken messages that homemade and store-bought cupcakes can send. For example, store-bought cupcakes may say, "My mom can afford to buy 25 high-priced cupcakes from the bakery," but they can also say, "My mom doesn't care enough to bake the cupcakes herself." Store-bought cupcakes may say, "My mom would rather give other mom's children cakes made by adults with gloves on rather by the less-than-hygienic-enough, seven-year-old sibling of a classmate." Store-bought treats can even say, "My mom cares enough about other people's children that she wants their mothers to know the batter wasn't stirred by a five-year-old with a cold." Store-bought cakes can say, "My mom is a perfectionist and wanted to send something really special to the party."

What do homemade cakes say? They may say, "My mom loves to make things for our parties," but they may also say, "My mom couldn't afford 25 bakery cakes." Homemade cakes always say, "Nobody guarantees that the kitchen in which these cakes were made would pass health codes." Homemade cakes may say, "My mom thinks we, kindergartners, care more that she made these cakes than about how special the cakes really look." At the same time, homemade cakes may say, "I'm so proud that my mom and I made these cakes."

Cupcake-baking moms often feel they need to defend themselves against non-baking moms, who may imply or assume that they have nothing better to do with their time than make cupcakes. Cupcake-buying moms often feel the need to defend themselves against baking moms, who may imply or assume they can't or won't make the time to do what is "best". In reality, cupcake-baking moms may have all kinds of other things to do but prefer to make the time for cupcakes. Bakery-shopping moms, on the other hand, may be doing other nice things with their children and may simply believe that nice cakes from a bakery are a nice treat for a holiday party.

As a cupcake-buying mom, I will even admit to the herecy of more than once sending in a few boxes of Little Debbie, individually-wrapped, holiday-shaped cakes not because I couldn't be bothered baking, and not because I couldn't afford bakery cakes, but because I thought the children would love the particular cakes (and I've always appreciated the hygienic, easy-to-bring-home, individually wrapped treat).

Any mother who has had to deal with enough lunchboxes or backpacks that have been used to transport heavily frosted, uneaten cupcakes wrapped in brown paper towels would probably testify that when it comes to cupcakes its a rare child who will eat any cupcake bigger than a mini-cupcake.

Children enjoy baking cupcakes for their special event, but they also enjoy a trip to the bakery with mom to select some particularly special treats for their party. They may be equally proud to present their contribution, whether its homemade or bakery-bought. The true measure of a mom is not determined by the cupcakes she sends to the party. The true measure of a mom may be determined by the effectiveness with which she cleans that post-party backpack or lunchbox.