Moms with Borderline Personality Disorder

A Borderline may answer this opening sentence this way: "x$%^@&! Of course, I can be an excellent mother".

x$%^@& are characters in the keyboard to represent "foul" words or profanities. Internet users, when they feel an obvious disdain for an article, depict their desire to swear by typing these symbols.

Borderlines, people diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), have been guilty of using profanities when angry or irritated. However, this is not to say that Borderlines are the only ones using profanities. Swearing and cursing are common to people who are unable to communicate their stress in positive ways.

Children of mothers diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorders (BPDs) are statistically at risk for profanities. Wikipedia.org defines profanities as "words, expressions, gestures or other social behaviors interpreted as insulting, rude, vulgar, desecrating or showing disrespect. It also includes cussing, curse, swearing, bad word, obscene word or strong irreverent language." This is the bad news.

According to Andrea Lamont, in her article "Mothers and Borderline Personality Disorder" published by Columbia University in 2006, there is hope that children of mothers with Borderline Personality Disorder will overcome the risks. The good news is many children of BPD moms are able to resolve early traumatic experiences upon reaching adulthood.

Emerging researches on the effects of Borderline Personality Disorder on children are growing. Long term longitudinal studies, examining the long term consequences of living with a Borderline mother or the effects of a healthy spouse on a child's environment, need to be carried out. The results of such studies are not yet conclusive.

How does a Borderline mother treat their children?

A Borderline mother treats their children in the same way a stressed-out mother handles her own children. It is a mistake to brand Borderlines as "incapable parents." A stressed out mother is as guilty as "losing it" when their children misbehave. On their best moments, Borderline mothers can be very sensitive to the needs of their children. Borderline mothers can be fun and creative in their daily activities. Borderlines are very talented and engaging. Borderline moms can provide physical caregiving to any child.

What is the difference between a Borderline mom and a stressed-out Mother?

A mother without Borderline Personality Disorder has similar emotional rages experienced by Borderlines. Not all mothers have a good stress response to triggers. Women become hormonal and may show irritation similar to BPD moms.

The difference is a thin line. Borderline Personality Disorder is often misunderstood and misdiagnosed. A Borderline mom will sometimes know she did hurt her children. At other times, she will not even be aware of it. There is a pattern of inconsistent awareness of what is going on. This leads to a disorganized behavior pattern. The actions of a Borderline mom does not make sense to herself or to her family members.

According to the study conducted by A. Lamont, Borderlines "do not return to soothe the child in times of high stress." A Borderline mom is busy coming to terms with her emotional deregulation. She cannot respond appropriately with the different mood states of her child. Thus, in the experiment conducted by Crandell in 1997, it was observed that children of Borderlines have "spacey" eyes. They tend to glance away from the Borderline mom more frequently than children with mothers without BPD. Based on the article of A. Lamont, the child's emotional needs were unmet.

Children of Borderline mothers are unable to organize their behavior under stress. They require more time to recover from a traumatic or stressful experience. They develop "hyper vigilant" behaviors. They grow up scanning the environment for potential threats. They have a tendency to "act out and act in". They "act out" through rages and "act in" through self destructive behaviors. Evidence also suggests that the children have difficulties playing "fair" at the ages of six or seven. These children are highly sensitive and moody appearing to be manipulative and controlling to other children.

Children of Borderline moms are unprotected from the emotional "highs and lows" of their mothers. A Borderline mom may feel very thrilled one second and may feel a sense of worthlessness in the next moment. BPD adults also tend to make unpredictable changes in their aspirations and values. Just as the child "gets it", the BPD mom changes her expectations. The child gets very confused.

A child of a Borderline mom loses his perception of reality. What is real for a child is invalidated by a Borderline mom. The child feels an enormous amount of guilt for feeling bad about her or his mom. The child cannot process it. It creates an inner disturbance. The inconsistent behavior pattern of their Borderline mother becomes their "normal life". It is a life filled with unresolved traumas. Life is very unpredictable thus they tend to live at the moment. The children who cannot cope become "attached-challenged". They cannot develop a conscience. They stop trusting the world. They feel unsure if they are worthy to be loved. They develop post traumatic stress syndrome until healing happens.

Conclusion

Each child in this world deserves a mother. The toxic relationship occurring between a Borderline mom and a child need to be further studied. If you remove a child from a Borderline mom, the trauma is as severe as letting them bear the emotional instability of the mother-child relationship. The prospect of healing a Borderline Mom runs parallel to the healing of child in this relationship. In any case, no member of the family must close their eyes to the reality in their own personal family situations. If the Borderline mom do not wish to get help, all efforts must be towards saving the child.

Source:

"Mothers with Borderline Personality Disorder", Andrea E. Lamont, Graduate Student Journal of Psychology, Columbia University