Monahans Texas, the Armpit Capitol of the World

Monahans, Texas located on I20 just 36 miles west of Odessa, Texas in the Permian Basin. With less than a 4-hour drive, you could land in Mexico.

Monahans boasts a Lowes Grocer, banks, four Mexican restaurants, a Sonic Drive-in, two video stores, and even a brand new Best Western Motel among other now thriving businesses.

It is home to Monahans Sandhills State Park and what is locally known as Sandhills Road, Hwy 1233, which leads to open sand dunes that many use as a playground with dirt bikes and 4x4's.

I remember my first visit to the dunes, some 15 years back. I became utterly aware of why, in Biblical times a man's staff was so vitally important. There are no trees in the desert and nothing to stop the wind or blowing sand. Each step covers your legs to the knee in the grit. Without something to support yourself while walking, I can see how you could be overtaken by the desert.

Approaching Monahans from Odessa, the acrid air of the oil fields can be overpowering. I can only assume this smell grows on the locals.

Perhaps they are willing to trade fresh air for the beauty of the big sky and beautiful sunrises and sunsets.

Many times over the last 15 years I have been heard saying wholeheartedly, "I am never going back to that place again." I can only pray, that this time, it's truth.

How is it then that I wound up spending two grueling weeks in Monahans in the 100 plus degree heat this past August?

My daughter-in-law insisted that she wanted to go home before school started. There were a host of reasons why our son couldn't go. She is a bit of a 'novice traveler', not easily able to navigate directions. So the idea of letting her go off alone on the highways with the kids was pretty terrifying. I called my mom-in-law, who lives 4 hours from their house back in Texas. She agreed that if I would escort my daughter-in-law and the kids home, she would come in a few days and pick me up. We'd go back to the farm for a nice visit and then she'd bring me home.

We arrived in Monahans, Texas (aka Armpit) without incident. Our daughter-in-law had been away 5 months. The tumbleweeds had taken over with no regard to toys, bicycles or even the trampoline. There was no part of the yard visible!

The next morning she and I dug in her closet. She pulled out two pair of what I call "Hoochie Momma Boots". You know the type. They come up to the knee and have 4-inch heels. After donning the boots, armed with a broom (she followed with a mop) and wearing our little shorts, we worked our way to the barn, watching out for snakes with our weapons. "We look like a couple of working girls," I told her. We arrived at the barn and gathered shovels, hoes, a machete and this claw thing shaped like a hoe (that thing was wonderful).

Working our way back toward the house, we began digging tumbleweeds. I would push the tumbler with the claw thingy so she could be sure there were no rattlers under there and she would dig them from the root. After she'd get it free, I'd use the claw to move it out of our way and we'd dig the next one. Mind you, we are still wearing our little shorts and hoochie boots. Eventually we had an area called, "The Yard", cleared. We dragged the
tumbleweeds to the driveway and left them. Sweat poured from our bodies. "Ya know what? We are a couple of working girls," she said, reflecting on our task.

The next day we started a new area called, "The Backyard". I pushed at the last bush in the area and felt a sting. "Ow! Somethin' stung me," I cried. Further inspection revealed a hornet's nest in the bush I had been pushing on. There we were with our shovels, playing hornet baseball. As we knocked them to the ground, I'd stomp them and then chop them up with the shovel. We added all those tumbleweeds to the pile.

"The kids want to play in the playground," she told me on the 3rd day.

We began the process again, this time revealing toys and even bicycles eaten alive by the weeds!

That evening the call came. My husbands little brother back in Indiana had a terrible accident on his dirt bike and might not live. Mom-in-law is jetting her way to Indiana. I am stuck.

On the 4th day, we rested. The children had a little fun in their play area. I tried to check on them from the kitchen window. Nope! They couldn't be seen because of the giant pile of tumbleweeds we had amassed.

The cooled down evening of the 5th day, found me, in my flip flops, shorts and bare hands, hauling those weeds to the corral. I almost made it too! Just as I was about to fling that last tumbleweed over my head and into the corral, I saw it. A little rattler carefully tucked into the weed I was holding! I dropped it and ran screaming to the house for help. Again donning our hoochie boots and (this time) shovels, we searched for the snake. He had
too much cover. The devil escaped! We cleared that area, until it was too dark to spot a snake. We called it a day in the name of safety.

The next morning, I was up early finishing-up clearing away the tumbleweeds where the snake had disappeared. With that task out of the way, I fired up the mower and mowed all the yard we had cleared.

At last, I can rest under the shade of the carport and watch the hummingbirds on the feeder. Shortly, I reached to my right for my coffee. "What the ...!" I'll never know what I leaned my leg on, but it hurt, swelled and itched for over two weeks. It felt like someone had grabbed the muscle (ok fat) in the back of my leg and squeezed as hard as possible.

The next week seems uneventful in light of the first, except the day before I came home. My daughter-in-law wanted to do some repairs to her porch. There was a pile of lumber just right for the job. Funny how creatures out there like to wait til the bitter end. The last board to move revealed a scorpion. He ran across my bare hand, across the porch, stinger in the air and headed for my daughter-in-law's sandaled foot. She never saw more than a glimpse. Just before he found her foot, he fell down a hole in the porch.

We were a mere 36 miles from the nearest city, but it seemed like 70. We couldn't pick up a TV station or even news on a radio station. We were completely isolated from the world. With nothing to look at but tumbleweeds, mesquite trees, rattlers and desert!

Oh, did I mention that when we got there a creature had chewed through the thermostat wire on the air conditioner? We begged ac guys to come fix it for a week. We finally went to the city, bought new wire, and fixed it ourselves.

My husband came and rescued me after 2 weeks. By the time he arrived, the ac had gone out in my car. On the way home, the engine light kept coming on and he hit a dip the size of a ditch causing my brakes to go out.

Monahans, Texas is not my friend. I am never going there again.