Monetary Compensation for Earning Good Grades - I Think Not

I have three children ages, 17, 15, and 12. Each of them learns and engages differently when it comes to school and their grades. My son, the oldest is really intelligent and his knowledge base is vast, however when it comes to his school work, he can be arrogant at times; the result is poor grades in subjects he otherwise excels at. Verbally he can express his thoughts eloquently but, when it comes to translating those thoughts to paper and or his school projects and assignments, he gets a little lazy and tries to hurry through, hurting his overall grade.

My oldest daughter is great at the disciplined side of completing her assignments and homework but she has to put forth a much greater effort. She has one big problem in the academic area and that is tests. She puts so much pressure on herself to do well and gets so nervous when taking a test - she clams up and predictably fails most.

My youngest child has none of these problems or challenges. Like a sponge she absorbs what she learns and easily translates that learning to her school work. She breezes through her honors classes earning all High Honors in her classes - consistently does well and scores advanced on MCAS and standardized testing and does it all with little to no help from others.

I have taught my children from a young age that the grades they earn are not as important as what they learn. I have seen them really apply themselves and do well and other times fail at things they knew or should have come easy to them. This is life. None of us are great at everything all of the time. It is our level of effort that is important.

Why I do not offer money as an incentive for good grades is, I think it sends the wrong message to our kids. Getting good grades makes them better as people. I don't want my kids to feel pressured that they have to get good grades or, that if they fail I'm going to be upset or disappointed in them. I want them to succeed at life and in order for them to be successful at school, and in the world, they have to want it for themselves and not be motivated to do well because there is a reward system, but be motivated to do well because they get to taste success and the satisfaction they get from earning the grades on their own accord.

We do celebrate their success's together and take them out for a special dinner after they get their report cards, but they know that the grades they earned, are self motivated, and self achieved.