Money Worries Affects Relationships

Finding ways to stop fighting about money makes a relationship stronger and healthier instead of tearing it apart.
There are simple ways to stop fighting about money. A fight about money in a relationship causes friction, disharmony, break-ups, sometimes violence, and divorce.

Talk About Finances

Discussion about money in a relationship can be traumatic. Talking about finances may need to be supervised by an outside person for guidance and mediation. Use all resources available to begin this important process. Expert counsel can alleviate stress as the discussion is guided toward a successful compromise for both participants. There can be talks without blame or accusations. In this atmosphere, a constructive process can begin.

Reach Common Goals

Each individual has goals regarding money, thus the fighting begins. Discussion of family finances openly leads to healthy relationships. Put priorities down on paper so that each partner understands and is aware of family objectives. Once family goals are obtained, individual goals can be pursued.

Sometimes individual goals enhance the family objectives. A higher education for the "breadwinner" or relocation for better employment opportunities are examples of achieving common goals. These types of goals should be discussed and agreed on by all parties involved. Even children should be heard when the decision involves a change in lifestyle for the family.

Transparency about Accounts

Some relationships choose to maintain individual accounts, while most choose to pool financial accounts and resources. A study by Marilyn Coleman and Lawrence H. Ganong from the University of Missouri-Columbia found that in families where resources are pooled, there are closer bonds and adult-child relationships are healthier. Whatever the chosen situation, all partners should have access to the information. Secrecy breeds distrust while transparency leads to integrity.

Share Responsibilities with Cash Flow

An agreement should be reached regarding expenses and cash flow. Monthly expenses mush be shared, or at least agreed on. Each partner needs some freedom with spending money. One way is to agree to not go over a certain limit of expenditure without discussion with the other partner. An example of a $50 or $100 limit, depending on financial circumstances, can be spent without mutual consent. This simple solution gives accountability and builds trust.

"Prudent Reserve" Agreement

Maintain a separate account for unexpected expenses. Agreeing with the method of establishing this account, how the funds will be added, when the funds are added, and by whom, is very important. Once an agreement is reached, then each partner knows what is expected of them.

Working Partnership

When financial difficulties arise in a relationship, rather than think or speak of separation or divorce, try something different. Try working toward a solution. A financial educator and author of For Richer, Not Poorer: The Money Book for Couples, (HCI, 1999), Ruth L. Hayden says "Money doesn't have to ruin your marriage; instead, it can strengthen the bond by teaching you how to work as partners. The thing that has torn people apart can actually bring them together."

Living and working through adversity is what creates lasting relationships and marriages. Fighting about money does not have to be a part of a relationship.