Mo'Nique Oscar Predictions: Leg Hair for President!

Mo'Nique, up for best supporting actress for her role in "Precious," has already disclosed to the New York Post that she will be wearing gold to the Oscars. She'll be wearing a style from her longtime designers Tom and Linda Platt, relatively unknown but good enough to keep Mo'Nique coming back for more.

What the nation surely wonders is whether or not she'll finally accede to her biggest fashion statement: leg hair. Mo'Nique's pride and joy would look wonderful with gold, adding texture to her normal flattering sheaths. This will put her moral statement on display to everyone, to be discussed alongside the themes and plotline of "Precious" in serious interviews.

To be more specific, Mo'Nique's dress will be a gold sleeveless sheath with boning down the front in the shape of a human calf complete with foot. What will be the real talk of the town is the imagery of long black hairs protruding attractively in all directions- made from Mo'Nique's own hair!

Be careful of your surroundings, because in a single night Mo'Nique will cause all female inhibitions to disappear, and every female you know shall rise to conquer the earth. Her celebratory after party will be held in front of the White House, where President Obama will be stunned into silence by her leg hair coup and quietly step down. The day will be thereby known in history as "Free Pedicure Day." I have called my local nail salon and despite some confusion from those less psychic, have already made my appointment.