More Housework....More Sex...?

I got quite a chuckle from a recent article that made a round-about correlation between men doing more housework and enjoying more sex with their significant other as a result. The article -- published in the UK Guardian -- pointed out that the Council on Contemporary Families summarized several recent studies on family dynamics. One found that men's contribution to housework had doubled over the past four decades; another found that men tripled the time spent on child care over the same time span. And somehow, this increase in helping around the house and with the kids apparently makes women feel the need to shed their clothes and pucker their lips as a way of saying "Thank you."

I'm all for that, but I personally do not think there is an ounce of truth to this theory. Why just the other day I made the beds, washed the dishes, hung up the laundry, cleaned the bathrooms and prepared dinner, and I don't recall my wife tearing off all her clothes and throwing herself at me when I was done. Come to think of it, even if she had, I was too darn tired to worry about her advances anyway - that is if she made them. I can't tell you what happened because I was fast asleep on the couch by the time she came home anyway, completely pooped from all the housework I did a few hours earlier.

In perfect world though, I think this kind of barter system -- one in which one mate performs above and beyond the call of duty for the other and gets an intimate roll in the hay as a result has the potential to cure most of the ills in this world, not just in a marriage. For example, would Eliot Spitzer have felt the need to spend thousands of dollars on a prostitute if he'd have done a little more work around the house?

Having said that, if I found my wife changing the car or replacing the old spark plugs for new -- I wonder if that would make my nether-regions get all tingly and make me feel like I should be up at the crack of dawn hunting wild bore. I also wonder how she'd respond if I said, "Let's make love -- it's just my way of thanking you for putting gas in the car."

The problem with this fallacy - and that's what it is, is that sex should be mutually rewarding and I'm not using the term "reward" in the manner it is referred to in the article cited above. The idea of sex as a prize for work that should be done anyway just seems ridiculous to me. I don't want to be rewarded for anything. Except for maybe putting up with my mother-in-law. (Come to think of it, if my wife and I made love every time I had to spend time with my mother-in-law, I'd sure be having sex a lot more often. So hey - maybe there is some truth to this research).

Having said that, I can certainly see that if I cut down on my wife's workload around the house she will have more energy and free time, and if she chooses to spend a few of those hours dangling from a trapeze in the bedroom in the nude while singing the star-spangled banner than I'm certainly not going to discourage her.

But that's only if she wants to. Not because she has to.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to mow the grass. That might be worth some heavy petting later on in the day.