More People I Hate

In my article Some People Who Can Go Bye-Bye, I introduced you to a few of the rich and/or famous who keep popping up on my television and won't leave me alone. But that list was hardly complete; I continue to come across obnoxious turds who make me want to throw the remote through my TV screen. I want them all gone. Permanently! Preferably in a violent manner. If we could get half of them together on a cruise ship in which there is a mysterious virus that is causing them all to puke up vital organs and some of them are falling off the ship and drowning, and we could get the other half in a plane where the pilot and co-pilot both get food poisoning and become comatose and there is no one else on the plane with flying experience and then the plane crashes into the cruise ship and explodes...well that would make me a happy guy!

Here is the latest collection of fine humans who need to go away...

Drew Peterson

This guy goes through wives like Spinal Tap goes through drummers. And now he has another brainless young honey lined up and ready for a fatal dose of Drew-love. Sorry buddy, but if your wife mysteriously disappears, and it turns out your previous wife didn't really die in a bathtub accident but was actually murdered, and your brother says you asked him if he would kill for you, you are guilty in my court. And if, by some chance, these are all amazing coincidences, you should still be locked up for being an arrogant asshole.

Simon Cowell

And speaking of arrogant assholes, I've had enough of Simon's know-it-all attitude. Yes it's nice to have a judge that is discriminating to offset the mindless blather that spills out of Paula's whiskey-hole, but any guy who is responsible for inflicting Il Divo upon the world hardly qualifies as a music expert.

Rush Limbaugh

I don't normally wish ill-health on anyone, but a severe case of Parkinson's disease would be a sweet bit of karma. Plus, it would help Jabba the Rush do a far better impersonation of Michael J. Fox. If I were a Republican, I would now be required to crawl on my hands-and-knees while sobbing, kiss the Rotund One's feet and beg forgiveness. But I'm not, so bite me you bloated windbag!

Donald Trump

My, this is becoming quite a collection of arrogant assholes, isn't it? OK Donald, you've got tons of money-we get it! Go away and let your babe-a-licios daughter take over. At least she doesn't have some kind of dead rodent perched on top of her noggin.

Ann Coulter

One of the most despicable humans walking the Earth, Ann Coulter continues to be a favorite talking head of the lunatic fringe of the Republican Party. I can usually find at least one redeeming value of even the worst people. The best I could come up with for Ann is that she stands as a constant reminder of why we should always vote pro-choice. Too bad her parents didn't choose wisely.

Tyra Banks

For the most part, I respect Oprah. Yes, she thinks an awful lot of herself, but she also does nice things for people who need help so I give her a pass. But she is also responsible for some of her favorite guests having their own talk shows. Dr. Phil is bad enough, but Tyra Banks is unforgiveable. This big bimbo has nothing to offer the world except an enormous rack, and that's not enough for even a shallow person like me.

Kanye West

Kanye was right when he said George Bush hates black people. But DUH! Tell us something we didn't already know. This spoiled brat cries and whines every time he doesn't win a major music award, which is often, because he sucks! Hey Kanye! Speaking in rhyme doesn't make you worthy of awards. See, even I can do it...

There is a guy named Kanye West
Who keeps tellin' the world that he is the best
The best at what? Nobody knows
'Cause if you've heard his crap, it really blows

David Hasselhoff

Where the hell did this guy come from? How does he keep getting jobs? He can't sing, he can't act, and he can't deal with the pressure of being a talentless pile of crap (see the famous hamburger video here). The only person who should have any positive feelings about this dumb-ass is Pam Anderson. Because of "The Hoff," she wasn't the worst actor on the wretched TV show Baywatch.

Celebrities who think it's clever and cute to give their kids goofy-ass names

Apple, Bronx Mowgli, Pilot Inspektor, Coco-unless you're Frank Zappa you have to follow the same naming conventions as the rest of us. And now that crazy "I'm a lesbian-no wait a minute, I'm not a lesbian" broad Anne Heche and her apparently also crazy husband have saddled their new baby boy with the name Atlas. But there's hope. After a childhood of ridicule, these kids will grow up and possibly murder their parents. Keep your fingers crossed.