More People Realizing Sex Not the Focus of a Relationship

I am sure it is not just because I am married nor because I was one of those who actually waited until I was married, but the article at YourTango on how one person decided sex before marriage was not worth it rang a bell for me. While most people, especially Christians, advocate waiting until one is married to have sex, the concept of "free love" has been prevalent in our culture since the 1960's. The so-called "free love" movement believed that the old-fashioned definition of marriage was too restrictive on couples and did not allow a married couple to really enjoy sex within the context of marriage. Sex was strictly for procreation, and no enjoyment was to be had in the act. This was best known among Roman Catholics and not just fundamentalist Christians though one could argue that Jim Bob Duggar and his wife Michelle gain enjoyment from their moments of bedroom intimacy. So why are some people not just taking the vow of not engaging in pre-marital sex, and actually practicing abstinence?

It could be that younger individuals are finally recognizing the value of oneself in a relationship, and that sex is not the most important thing in a relationship. Instead, it is the person that they love and cherish that remains the most important thing in the relationship. That may sound old-fashioned until one remembers that the historical object of marriage was for property transfer purposes. So where did the idea that marriage based on love comes from?

Psychologist David Seabury advocated marrying for love as recently as 1937. Best known for his self-help book, "The Art of Selfishness", Seabury believed that better happiness arises when one marries the person one truly loves, and not marrying out of a sense of duty to family or even society. Seabury has it right in saying that one has a right to live one's life for oneself and not others. I am a member of Seabury's club myself, having married for love (not sex). More importantly, marriages based on real love are more likely to last longer.

Religious convictions aside there are many reasons one would wait until marriage to have sex. Psychological and emotional reasons remain at the top, which are a result of how one views oneself. People who love and respect themselves are not going to be jumping into bed with every person they meet. As in the YourTango article where the writer says that sex does not make one mature or grown up (if anything, deciding not to have sex with someone you are not married to is what makes you grow up; knowing your limits is an act of maturity, not the other way around), it remains risky behavior for girls who are incapable of dealing with the reality of getting pregnant, or contracting an STD. In other words, one does not have to be religious at all to take a firm stance in no pre-marital sex. All one really needs is to value oneself, and with self value comes respect from the opposite gender automatically. For if you do not value yourself in teen relationships, nobody else will, thus leaving yourself open to pre-marital sex.

http://www.yourtango.com/201172102/pop-culture-vs-pulpit-how-i-decided-premarital-sex-was-wrong?cid=nl