Motherhood Tips: Pros and Cons of Different Parenting Styles

Child psychologists, pediatricians, and parents have published parenting books and studies on parenting ever since Benjamin Spock published his first edition of a best selling parenting book called, The Commonsense Book of Infant and Child Care in 1946. Dr. Spock's parenting manual sold 50 million copies and has been translated into 39 languages. In a November 2005 study published in Pediatrics, the official journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, 41 best-selling parenting books were reviewed for information about child safety. (Click here and scroll down to see a list of the 41 best-selling parenting books)

Why Are Parenting Books So Popular?

A study done by Clarke-Stewart and noted in Pediatrics showed that younger, more educated parents who lived far way from their families of origin were more likely to read parenting books and learn from their content. Publishers Weekly also explains that the dwindling incidence of extended families living in close proximity is one reason for the continuing demand for parenting books that teach the basics in child rearing and offer advice on a variety of topics.

The Reality of Parenting Styles

Generally, there are three dominant categories of parenting styles: Authoritative Parent, Authoritarian Parent, and Permissive Parent. In reality, parents employ a combination of parenting styles that come into play depending on the day-to-day parenting circumstances like Working Parent, Single Parent, Stay-at-Home Parent, Special Needs Parent, Possessive Parent, Uninvolved Parent and Guilty Parent. As a former high school teacher and 53 year-old Mom, I have seen many examples of different parenting styles and while we try hard to be perfect parents, the truth is parents need all the help they can get to be a good parent. Parenting is the single most important thing we are expected to do in life and is most times the most challenging.

Pros and Cons of Parenting Styles

The Authoritative Parenting Style

The Authoritative Mom administers firm but fair discipline, often times allowing two-way communication between the parent and the child regarding discipline. The Authoritative Mom displays equal love, nurturing, and caring despite having to enforce disciplinary action. Children from homes with the authoritative parenting style demonstrated higher academic achievement and described their parents as understanding, approving, trusting, affectionate, encouraging achievement, and not overly strict. In my own experience as a young Mother, I tried to follow this parenting style but it is hard to achieve every day. There are times when you fall short because you are tired, you have worked all day, and you might be more lax on enforcing disclipline than you should be. Sometimes I slipped into the permissive parenting style unintentionally. I had to work hard to get back into my dominant authoritative parenting style. I did had some professional training on the authoritative parenting style since I was a high school teacher. We were trained in assertive disclipline techniques which proved to be extremely effective in both the classroom and at home. Overall, this parenting style apparently worked for me because my daughter is now 32, has a Master's Degree in Accounting and is a CPA. She is a thoughtful young lady who often volunteers for community organizations like Big Brothers Big Sisters, and is independently financially stable.

The Authoritarian Parenting Style

The Authoritarian Mom often discourages and disallows two-way discussion between parent and child regarding discipline. The authoritarian parenting style is harsh, demanding, and strict, with rules of obedience and a firm belief in the fundamental parenting principle that a child's will to do wrong must be broken. Children of Authoritarian Parents tend to have low self-esteem as adolescents and often perform poorly academically. Children of Authoritarian Parents described their parents as punitive in their disciplinary techniques. The Authoritarian Mom will often say "because I said so" or "because you live in my house" with no explanation why the child is receiving discipline. Children from homes with the authoritarian parenting style are obedient and usually display manners, but are most times unhappy and not social. In my own experience with this parenting style, high school students that were raised by Authoritarian Parents were less likely to ask questions in the classroom which leads to learning, were often absent from school because they were ordered to babysit their siblings, and were privately clingy, needy children seeking love and nurturing from any source, including their teacher.

The Permissive Parenting Style

The Permissive Mom has few rules and will allow children to get away with almost anything. Often times, the permissive parenting style is related to some guilt the parent has for being a single parent, a working parent, or simply because the parent has no parenting skills training. The permissive parenting style takes a hands-off approach to communication between the parent and child, and in extreme cases, often leads to the parent not knowing the whereabouts of the child. Children of Permissive Parents make decisions about life without seeking advice from their parents, are often immature and underachievers, and experience higher incidents of conflict during high school because the permissive parenting style does not include communicating high expectations for children. Permissive Moms and Uninvolved Moms rarely attend their child's school functions, rarely influence their child's religious beliefs, and rarely know who their child's friends are. Permissive parents generally take on the role of friend with their children. One of my best friends in life is a Permissive Mom and she admits that this is not the best parenting style to adopt. My friend attributes her permissive parenting style to the fact that she is an adopted only child whose adoptive parents were Authoritarian Parents. Her adoptive parents were strict, abrasive and often times they verbally belittled her, leading to her own low self-esteem. As a result, she adopted the completely opposite parenting style, becoming a Permissive Mom.

Where to Find Parenting Resources

Now that you have read some basic information about the pros and cons of different parenting styles, you can decide what parenting resources you need to help you become a better parent. There are many resources including parenting classes, parenting books, parenting groups, and parenting television shows that will help you through the parenting challenges. For more information about parenting resources, visit:

Parenting Bookmark Links to Parenting Resources

Federal Government Parenting Resources

Sources:

Best Selling Parenting Books List

Pediatrics, the Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/116/5/1080#SEC5

Journal of College Student Development

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3752/is_200001/ai_n8892466

Parenting Styles

Kendra Van Wagner

http://psychology.about.com/od/developmentalpsychology/a/parenting-style.htm