Motherless Daughters
Raising Our Daughters Without Our Mother's Support
Holidays and Mother's Day is a bittersweet time for me. A time to celebrate my greatest blessing, Bryanna Elizabeth….my greatest teacher and the joy of my life. It is also a time to mourn the loss of my other two children who I have yet to meet. I believe in my heart of hearts that their spirits are with me daily, and that they are watching over me and my family…they are my own personal guardian angels, if you will.
I mourn the loss of my mother…or should I say, my mama. My mama was at one time my best friend. She was a stay at home mom, involved in PTA, and baked cookies, cooked supper…you name it. As a matter of fact, my friends loved her, and loved having sleepovers at my house because my mom was so "cool". I could talk to her about anything…from my first kiss and questions about sex. When my feelings were hurt, if I had a problem at school, she was there. My 2 sisters were not as fortunate. I believe I got the best she had to offer. In the eyes of this child, she was indeed Super Mom. Little did I know as a child, that my mama was very, very sick.
My mama is Bipolar Manic-Depressive. A taboo subject in most circles, however, I have learned that the truth is the truth. My mother is mentally ill. She also suffers from a personality disorder. Medications can help her cope with being Bipolar, but there is no known "cure" for a personality disorder.
Yes, if you are wondering, my mother is still alive. We speak and see each other every once in awhile, but not very often. I miss her.
I miss the woman I know she is deep down inside….before the illness took over, before her addiction to prescription drugs, before everything went straight to hell.
I will always love her, and have no idea how I will cope the day I find out that she is no longer with us. I have dealt with the possibility of her death over and over again in my life with her many suicide attempts. I will never be ready.
So….back to the subject at hand…Motherless Daughters. I am a Motherless Daughter….my sisters Kelly and Kristen, are too. This may explain the unbreakable and close bond between the three of us. A bond I will forever be grateful for, that most do not understand.
I understand…completely. We are facing this world without our mom. We lack the support and love that is suppose to come from our mom. We compensate. We give love, support and friendship to each other. I miss my mama, but I have to tell you, the bond, the love and the friendship between me and my sisters is priceless.
Kelly, my middle sis, and I are both raising daughters of our own. We may not have a mama to turn to, but we have each other. We are day by day, making lives for our daughters. We are teaching then how to be strong and independent. We are teaching them that following your heart and emotions are a wonderful aspect of being a woman.
Most importantly, we are breaking the cycle. Our daughters will not grow up to be "Motherless Daughters". We will be there every step of the way. If our time here on this earth ends before they are grown….we are documenting through journals and scrapbooks who we are, and most importantly sending a message to our daughters:
You are loved.
You are worthy of love.
Believe in yourself and love yourself.
Follow your dreams.
Stand up for yourself and stand up for what you believe in.
Most of all, know that your mama loves you!
I mourn the loss of my mother…or should I say, my mama. My mama was at one time my best friend. She was a stay at home mom, involved in PTA, and baked cookies, cooked supper…you name it. As a matter of fact, my friends loved her, and loved having sleepovers at my house because my mom was so "cool". I could talk to her about anything…from my first kiss and questions about sex. When my feelings were hurt, if I had a problem at school, she was there. My 2 sisters were not as fortunate. I believe I got the best she had to offer. In the eyes of this child, she was indeed Super Mom. Little did I know as a child, that my mama was very, very sick.
My mama is Bipolar Manic-Depressive. A taboo subject in most circles, however, I have learned that the truth is the truth. My mother is mentally ill. She also suffers from a personality disorder. Medications can help her cope with being Bipolar, but there is no known "cure" for a personality disorder.
Yes, if you are wondering, my mother is still alive. We speak and see each other every once in awhile, but not very often. I miss her.
I miss the woman I know she is deep down inside….before the illness took over, before her addiction to prescription drugs, before everything went straight to hell.
I will always love her, and have no idea how I will cope the day I find out that she is no longer with us. I have dealt with the possibility of her death over and over again in my life with her many suicide attempts. I will never be ready.
So….back to the subject at hand…Motherless Daughters. I am a Motherless Daughter….my sisters Kelly and Kristen, are too. This may explain the unbreakable and close bond between the three of us. A bond I will forever be grateful for, that most do not understand.
I understand…completely. We are facing this world without our mom. We lack the support and love that is suppose to come from our mom. We compensate. We give love, support and friendship to each other. I miss my mama, but I have to tell you, the bond, the love and the friendship between me and my sisters is priceless.
Kelly, my middle sis, and I are both raising daughters of our own. We may not have a mama to turn to, but we have each other. We are day by day, making lives for our daughters. We are teaching then how to be strong and independent. We are teaching them that following your heart and emotions are a wonderful aspect of being a woman.
Most importantly, we are breaking the cycle. Our daughters will not grow up to be "Motherless Daughters". We will be there every step of the way. If our time here on this earth ends before they are grown….we are documenting through journals and scrapbooks who we are, and most importantly sending a message to our daughters:
You are loved.
You are worthy of love.
Believe in yourself and love yourself.
Follow your dreams.
Stand up for yourself and stand up for what you believe in.
Most of all, know that your mama loves you!
Published by Jennifer Rogers
Jennifer Rogers is a former ABA Therapist for the Autism Society. She is now a homeschooling, freelance writing, work at home mom of four. She is a self-proclaimed queen of procrastination, a domestic diva w... View profile
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11 Comments
Post a CommentMy mother suffers from bi-polar disorder and Schizophrenia, when I was little I used to,push her away.I havent seen her in about 2 1/2 to 3 years and I saw her today,on Christmas. She doesnt look the same. She doesnt talk the same...I miss when we used to have tea-parties and play bloody bones our form of hide and seek .Now she just sleeps and doesnt make any since when she talks.I have a picture of her from 3 to 4 years ago.And she doesnt look the same ,talk the same...or even dress the same.She used to call everyday just to ask what I was doing,she doesnt do that anymore...I miss her Im only 15 and have no mother ,her voice used to soothe me.Now all I do is cry,please help me cope.
i am with a daughter that has a mother who is not a mother. I am her mother and father. Truely an inspirational piece of reading.
No, you are not a motherless daughter. My Mom suffered from severe mental illness all of her life, so I can sympathize with your story. I, too, know what it is like to see your Mom suffer and be a shadow of her former self. But, no, your mother is still alive. You have no idea of the pain that is borne of your mother's death. My Mom died unexpectedly and in her sleep. We didn't find her for days. She was in the midst of a severe bout of depression and could barely function, but I wasn't ready to let her go. I had been through suicide attempts and had also imagined what her death and life without her would be like, but I never imagined it would hurt this bad. I took care of my Mom for as long as I can remember. You have the opportunity to see you mother again; I will never see my Mom again. The pain of losing her, despite her deteriorated mental state, is the most traumatic experience I have ever expereienced.
I to am a motherless daughter. I read your story and broke down crying, as this to is my story. My mother was a stay at home PTA mom to, always baking cookies for parties and the favorite mom of all my friends moms. I kept her illness a secret never allowing friends when she would be in the mental ward from a sucide attempt. Sometimes that would be difficult because her stay would be a month or longer. I to have lived with the fear of her death as the attempts have been extremely difficult. My sister and I also have an extremely close bond and talk frequently about not repeating the cycle. We have not spoken to our mother in almost a year. My mother and I used to best friends untill her illness took over. Now the only time I feel her love or the lost closeness is in my dreams. Those dreams I could stay in forever. Your story realy touched me. Please feel free to email me at walterswest@yahoo.com if you ever need to talk. Stacey
My Dad is bipolar, but doing very well on medication.
My mama is bipolar too, with schizophrenia. Thank you for this piece. It is hard to be a mother without a real mother to support me, but I am lucky to have a close relationship with my grandmother that has made up for the loss of my own mother to her disease and her delusions. I hope to break the cycle but it is so difficult to live with the legacy, her legacy.
Thank you so much for your story. My mother suffered from schizophrenia and alcoholism. I am sure she has passed over. She lived on the streets because of this. Therefore safety and lack of contact has left the heart half open and half closed and unfinished.
I am a motherless daughter and this artical helped me know that there are more then just I that have to battle the everyday question what if I become like her? Can I break this cycle my mother is also a motherless daughter and I'm working on breaking that cycle. I'm not a mother yet but plan to be some day. Thank you for your proof that the cycle can be broken. :-)
Thank you for this touching article.
Motherless Daughters, please visit my website www.missingmother.com
It is about emotional and spiritual healing for motherless daughters.
Thank you for sharing your very personal experiences with this illness.