Mothers

Mother's Day is just around the corner and I find myself trying to figure out how to reach my mother to let her know how much she means to me. A card won't do the job because she can't read it. Flowers last only for a short time. I can't send her candy because she is diabetic. A visit will do no good because she doesn't even know who I am.

I heard some startling figures on television last night. They said we spend billions of dollars in research for diseases like Cancer and Aids. Yet, we only spend a few million dollars on Alzheimer's research. There is something seriously wrong with that picture. I think it illustrates how little we value the lives of our senior citizens. It says the lives of the elderly are somehow less important. We are, by many, looked upon as useless because we can no longer contribute in the way we once did.

I think it begs the question. How does the world think they got all the wealth they have to spend on anything in the first place? How is that they can't see it was because of the contributions of the very people we no longer value?

It saddens me that society, as a whole, has gotten cruel and self-centered. All we can think about is our own comfort and our own needs. If we do have a few moments of compassion crop up, those are saved for the very young, the ill or the down trodden. They are rarely directed at the elderly. I find that tremendously sad.

I would give what I have for just one more day with my mother the way she was a few short years ago. That would be the most glorious Mother's Day present anyone could ever give me. Unfortunately, that isn't going to happen for me and, if we don't change our priorities in medical research, it won't happen for hundreds of thousands of others in the future.

My mom and I had a regular Mother's Day tradition. We always spent the day together. It didn't matter what we were doing. It was usually something silly like window shopping, playing miniature golf or going to a movie. Sometimes we went on a picnic in the park. Sometimes we just sat in the mall and watched little children with their mothers. We didn't care about the activity. We just wanted to do it together.

I'll never get those days back. Now my mother doesn't even recognize when I'm in the room. To her, I'm my baby sister. In fact, all of my sisters are the same. We are all Cryse. In our mother's mind she has but one daughter. We've been lost somewhere a long the way.

It's not a complaint. My mother can't help how her mind works. She is who she is now and not who she used to be. I'm okay with that most of the time. After all, she's still here and that's all that matters in the long run. Still, I miss my mother. I miss her laughter and the way her green eyes twinkled when she was up to something. I miss the way her smile got crooked when she was being mischievous. I miss how red her hair got when she was boiling mad.

Sometimes I wish I could just do away with Mother's Day altogether. It is a reminder of all that I have lost. Yet, I can't do that. I have children of my own who still want to celebrate that day with me. So I shift my focus and I keep going forward, but with a deep sadness in my heart.

For those of you out there who will be experiencing the same wistful moments of agony next Sunday just let me say this. I understand. I am with you. I wish I could change it for you just for that single moment in time. I wish we could all have Mother's Day with the women who brought us life.

Sadly, I don't have it in my power to do any of that. I can't change anything but myself and how I view that day. Neither can you. In the long run, maybe that is enough. Maybe we can make the day a celebration of women in general.

So here is to all the mothers and grandmothers who have already gone before us and to those who are yet to be born. Here's to our sisters and comrades in arms who have done their share of wiping runny noses, tying shoelaces, running errands, cooking meals and cleaning up after everyone.

Here's to those siblings that raised their brothers and sisters and the daughters that now take care of their parents. Here's to women who reach out to complete strangers in hopes of making their lives a bit easier. Here's to the different kinds of mothers everywhere. Happy Mother's Day!