Mother's Day: When Forgiveness is the Best Gift

Mother's Day is the time we celebrate our mothers, and I took it completely for granted for much of my life - while my mother was still alive. Sure, my mother got something from me every year for Mother's Day, but all she ever asked for was Jergen's lotion. She loved the fragrance of Jergen's lotion, of roses and almonds, and to this day the scent of Jergen's lotion reminds me of my mother.

As the years passed, my Mother's Day gifts got a little nicer, from the pressed flowers I dried and framed for her, to a porcelain rose like one her own mother had, to a painting of daffodils my mother once admired. However, I never gave her the gift she wanted most when she was older - forgiveness for some rough spots I experienced in my childhood and teenage years.

When my mother developed cancer, I began to spend more time with her. I ultimately moved in and became my mother's caregiver after her many surgeries and during the last difficult year of her life. During those years I began to dole out her medications in small, measured doses. In a similar fashion, I also began to dole out my forgiveness in small, measured doses which I hoarded like a miser with gold... and which my mother considered just as precious.

My mother courageously battled cancer for ten long years, sometimes in great pain. I've been angry with God about that for a long time. However, hindsight has shown me that those ten years changed both my mother and me and gave us the chance to bond we might not have had otherwise. She became the caring, nurturing mother I had always longed for, and I slowly let go of much of my anger towards her. Forgiveness became a little easier.

On Mother's Day a few years ago, I laid an arrangement of lovely flowers next to her casket for her viewing. We buried her the next day. I think that's when I finally forgave her completely. I've been working on forgiving myself ever since. It's a work in progress.

Mothers are not perfect, and many children are scarred for life by mental, emotional or even physical abuse at the hands of their mothers. However, I have learned forgiveness is both a choice and a gift. And forgiveness is a dish best served immediately.

Don't wait until you are laying flowers on your mother's grave to put your issues to rest. If you are harboring any bitterness towards your mother, try letting it go. Consider giving your mother the gift of forgiveness this Mother's Day. It will make Mother's Day that much more precious for both of you.

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