Mourning Michael Jackson in the Digital Age

I have to admit that I was never a huge Michael Jackson fan. I was familiar with his music, of course, but during his peak years, the late 1970s and early 1980s, I fancied myself a music purist and was pretty much stuck in the late 60s and early 70s. In my defense, I was a little too old for the Jackson 5 mania. By the time Michael went solo, I was firmly entrenched in my beliefs that pop music was nothing more than extraneous fluff.

When the 1990s rolled around, I was a little less rigid in terms of the music I listened to. I also began dating someone had been a Michael Jackson fan. He played Michael's music for me, picking out obscure songs that weren't played on the radio. There was so much I didn't know about this artist and I was beginning to understand what all the hype was about.

Then came the new millennium. Michael's music took a back seat to his personal, financial, and legal problems, and it seemed as though his star had finally burned out. By this point in my life, I was much more in tune with pop culture and was sad that this once brilliant artist had become such a sad, lonely individual. I'd heard he was planning a comeback tour, but couldn't believe he could actually pull it off.

When I heard the news that Michael Jackson had died, I knew immediately that the world had lost a musical treasure. The realization was stunning. I felt a personal loss in that I had not been able to fully appreciate this man's music until he was gone. And I regretted not having paid more attention to him while he was with us. It was as though a distant family member whom I had ignored for years had died, and I suddenly realized how much I cared about him and how deeply I would miss him.

After Michael died, I found myself craving his music. I wanted to hear him sing and watch him dance. I realize now that this was my way of mourning Michael Jackson's death. I went to his page on YouTube and started with "Thriller." This led me to videos of people doing the "Thriller" dance at weddings and even a lesson on how to do the dance! The choices were endless.

I moved on to "Billie Jean" and watched every version of it I could find. I heard that Cheryl Crow had done a duet of "I Just Can't Stop Loving You" with Michael during one of his tours, and I wanted to watch that as well. I kept digging and found an even better duet of this song sung with Siedah Garrett, who not incidentally wrote "Man in the Mirror" for Michael. I even found a beautiful version of the song with Michael singing in French.

Once I got started, I couldn't stop. I watched his 1993 Super Bowl performance and his first moonwalk on the Motown 25^th anniversary special. I witnessed him in concerts all over the world and marveled at the love his fans so obviously felt for him. His performing skills were incomparable, his vocals extraordinary, and his dancing mind-blowing. On stage, this man was magic.

Of all the videos I watched, there are three that really stand out. The first is an a capella performance of "Ben" recorded when he was around 12-years old. Someone actually stripped away the instrumentals leaving only his pure vocals. It's a truly stunning piece of music.

The second is a short piece that was originally used for a commercial (Pepsi, I believe). Michael is sitting at a baby grand piano in a candlelit room, playing the chords to "I'll Be There." A boy who bears a strong resemblance to a young Michael Jackson passes through the hallway and begins singing the song. Michael smiles and then duets with the younger version of himself. It is stunningly simply yet incredibly poignant.

My favorite video is the live performance of "Billie Jean" he did for his 30^th anniversary special in Madison Square Garden. Michael comes out on a darkened stage carrying a small valise. He places it on a stool and then pulls out a sequined jacket and glove, and a fedora. The audience knows what's coming and the excitement builds. He then does an amazing performance of the song, complete with spins, an elongated moonwalk, and so much more.

The audience is totally with him. Grown men dance with tears coming down their faces. People of all ages, genders, and races are united in this exhibition of pure joy. And Michael feeds off the energy coming from the audience. You can actually see him absorbing their love and his performance is breathtaking - his best ever in my opinion. And, ironically, this was actually one of his last live performances.

What makes this performance even more significant is that it took place September 10, 2001. As I watched, I wondered how many of the people who were there that night perished the next day in the terrorist attack that shook us to the core. Certainly, there were many people in attendance that night who lost loved ones, and I would bet that every single person in the arena was deeply affected in some way by the events that took place the next morning.

If September 11 was the epitome of despair and grief, those people who witnessed Michael Jackson's performance the previous evening had experienced pure joy. You can see it on their faces. Michael gave everyone in attendance a gift that night, and I'd like to think that this might have sustained them in some way over the months to come.

It also occurred to me that Michael Jackson may have inadvertently saved some lives that night. The concert was held on a Monday night and ended quite late. Certainly, there had to be a few people who worked at the World Trade Center who overslept and maybe even called in sick the next morning.

Sure enough, with a little digging, I found someone who had written a moving tribute to Michael Jackson, crediting him with saving his life. This individual overslept, missed his train, and by the time he was ready to go to work, the attacks had taken place. Had he not gone to the concert, he may well have perished the next morning.

My video wake is over. I am now convinced that there has never been nor will there ever be anyone like Michael Jackson again. The fact that he died on the eve of his comeback tour is almost beyond comprehension. And he was more than ready. The video of his last rehearsal speaks for itself. There's no doubt in my mind that he still had it and that this show would have been truly remarkable; maybe his best ever.

Michael Jackson's legacy is intact. His body of work stands for itself and I hope the reports are true that he left behind many unreleased songs. I want to see the videos of his tour rehearsals and I hope there is a CD of these performances. And, this afternoon, I picked up a copy of Number Ones: Michael Jackson, my first ever Michael Jackson CD. I'm only sorry it took me so long to fully appreciate this music legend.