Movie Review of Rocky Balboa

Huh? Did I see the new 'Rocky' movie?

Yeah, man, I did. Uhh, it's O.K. I mean, it's ain't gonna be worth ten dollars, never mind if you're taking the wife 'n' kids and all that, y'know? When you start adding that shit up, it's a serious investment, and Stallone don't need my money that bad. No, it's one of those "wait until it's on HBO" movies, man.

You know something? Stallone shouldn't have named his movie Rocky Balboa. It's more like Rocky's GreatestHits. Ain't much in his movie that's new, y'know? It's more of the "same old, same old." You see Rocky back in the freezer beating up on sides of meat again, You see Rocky running up those damned stairs again, You see Rocky getting the holy shit kicked outta him. Huh? Does he win? C'mon, man, are you kidding me?

What the hell. Yeah, Stallone worked hard, but I don't think he knows how to make a good movie anymore. Hey, he ain't no hungry kid with a dream making a movie, right? He's rich. Even if this movie goes nowhere, Stallone is still gonna be driving his new BMW to the bank. Once he forgot where he came from, he forgot what made Rocky good. And do you know what's bad about those lousy-ass sequels he made, man? They made everybody else forget how good Rocky was.

When those jerks in Hollywood usually do movies about guys like us-y'know, people who ain't got dick and gotta work to make a living-it's like we're animals in the zoo to those punks. And they're either laughing at us or feeling sorry for us. Uh-uh, they don't know nothing about you and me-we ain't real to those writers in their big, fancy mansions typing their bullshit about us.

But Rocky wasn't like that.

Rocky Balboa looked, sounded, and felt like somebody we knew. He wasn't no spy, lawyer, or freak in his Pajamas wearing a cape. He was a regular working-class dude, an ex-boxer, who lived in a dump in Philadelphia by himself. He wasn't a joke typed out by a screenwriter.

Anyway, what you, me, and everybody loved about Rocky was that Stallone understood that this guy wasn't good enough to be heavyweight champion, but doing the best with what he had was good enough to win back his honor, and self-respect. At the end of Rocky, he didn't beat Apollo Creed but he wasn't no loser.

The first Rocky is still the best. It kicked ass, man.

But Stallone went Hollywood. It's like once he became a gym rat, got on the juice, and got pumped up, so did his movies. Yeah, the movies after Rocky just got louder, bigger, and more ridiculous. Rocky Balboa tries to get back to where he started, but it's too late. The only people from the old neighborhood Stallone talks to is the guy who cuts his lawn, y'know?