Movie Review: Vampires Suck (2010), Twilight Spoof that Never Reaches Hilarious

A spoof of the popular vampire Stephenie Meyer book series turned movie franchise, Twilight, in which a female teenager, Becca Crane, moves into her father's, (Frank Crane) home in a small town where vampires are a popular theme. Once there, Becca meets Edward Sullen, a vampire, and they fall in love. Edward decides to break up with Becca because he doesn't want to hurt her. In swoops Native American Jacob White, a werewolf and Becca's childhood friend, who also loves Becca. So, Becca needs to choose between the two boys. In the mix is a group of bad vampires that want to kill Becca and a group of vampire authorities that want Edward to convert Becca. The climax unfolds at the high school prom.

Vampires Suck is the latest in spoof movies from director and writers Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer of Scary Movie, Date Movie, Epic Movie and Disaster Movie fame. With the recent popularity of the Twilight movies and vampires in general, a spoof of Twilight was inevitable and Vampires Suck fills the void for most of the guys and a few of the girls out there that think Twilight is a sissy vampire story.

Vampires Suck pretty much follows the basic story of Twilight with most of the same characters albeit with some name changes probably for copyright issues and just to make fun of the original characters. I compiled a list of the original Twilight characters and their equivalent characters in Vampires Suck.

Bella Swan = Becca Crane
Charlie Swan = Frank Crane
Jacob Black = Jacob White
Billy Black = Bobby White
Jessica Stanley = Jennifer
Eric Yorkie = Derric
Mike Newton = Rick
Edward Cullen = Edward Sullen
Dr. Carlisle Cullen = Dr. Carlton
Esme Cullen = Eden
Jasper Whitlock = Jeremiah
Alice Cullen = Iris
Rosalie Hale = Rosalyn
Emmet Cullen = Alex
James = Jack
Victoria = Rachel
Laurent = Antoine

There are a few changes from the first Twilight and some of the storyline and characters are from other books/movies in the series. The Voltare, who do not show up in the regular series until New Moon, appear here as the Zoltare. Also Jacob doesn't really become a werewolf in Twilight but he sort of does here but don't expect a great werewolf makeup job or CGI.

There are a few surprises, for me at least. The great Dave Foley shows up as Principal Smith. There is also a funny appearance by Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Many of the spoof characters are spot on in their appearance compared to their Twilight counterparts. Becca looks like a dead ringer for Bella and Edward looks pretty close to Edward but not exactly. Some characters, like Jacob, only slightly resemble their Twilight counterparts -- the actor isn't even Native American.

Now, Vampires Suck has really received a ton of negative reviews from critics and some fans alike. But, it begs the question, how many dissenters are defensive Twilight fans? Okay, honestly, I have to say that, while I don't think Twilight is a masterpiece of a book/movie series, it is entertaining to me for one viewing or reading. With that being said, I can also make fun of Twilight and Vampires Suck definitely does a lot of that.

I disagree with critics that Vampires Suck is horrible. It has its funny moments but most of the jokes are just misses or chuckles with only a few more hilarious moments. As always, the previews show most of the funniest scenes from the movie and there are only a few more jokes/scenes that come close to the caliber of those shown in the previews.

Vampires Suck is about as funny as any of the Scary Movie films, so, if you like those, you will probably like Vampires Suck. However, if you don't like the Scary Movie films, you probably will not like Vampires Suck. These movies are spoof movies, like Airplane, which are not for everyone. Like I said before, I think that Vampires Suck is somewhat entertaining for me but I probably will not watch it again -- of course, I rarely watch movies twice unless they are really great.

Vampires Suck is a little different from the way the Scary Movie stories work. Scary Movie storylines include a big mix of scenes from different movies and pop culture. Vampires Suck doesn't spoof any movie series except Twilight with a few very small bits of pop culture that sneak in every once in a while. Vampires Suck as a good job of sticking to the Twilight series and make fun of many of the things that irritate those people who despise the Twilight books and movies. A spoof just had to happen eventually and Vampires Suck does just that.

Vampires Suck also uses variations of the same music used in the Twilight movies, which only adds to the spoof's humor. I think it was a nice touch to remind us of Twilight.

Overall, I think Vampires Suck is a slightly above mediocre spoof of Twilight and vampires that has some funny moments but never really reaches the level of hilarious. The best part is that it makes fun of many of the things that bother us or make us laugh in the original Twilight.

Rating: 2/5

Quotes

Antoine: You know who we are, don't you?
Victim: The Black Eyed Peas?
Jack: Why does everybody think we are the Black Eyed Peas? I mean, she looks like Fergie, I know, and he looks a little like will.i.am but they don't even have a white guy in their band!

Becca Crane: Jacob, run!
[Jacob jumps above Becca and lands in his Chihuahua form. Becca disbelievingly]
Becca Crane: A Chihuahua?