Movie Review: Zoom Starring Tim Allen

Every once in a while I just get a wild hair to find the stupidest-sounding movie playing on the movie channels and watch it...I'm not sure, but this must be some form of a self-torturous disorder. At any rate I think I'm getting pretty good at spotting "stupid movies" and have a pretty good list of complete flops to show for it.

When I sat down to watch Zoom I really wasn't sure whether to expect a flop or not having enjoyed such lighthearted films as Sky High and Galaxy Quest but I decided I couldn't lose either way...either I'd have a horrible movie to rant about or I'd have another kid-friendly film to keep in mind for my son's video library.

Zoom is the story of Jack Shepard (Tim Allen) and the group of misfit kids he's supposed to be training. Jack is your basic stereotypical bitter washed-up has-been who just happens to have been Captain Zoom, one of the most powerful superheros of all time. Shepard has been called back into service for the purpose of preparing a boy who can expand to enormous proportions (Spencer Breslin), a pert little girl who can lift over two tons with a single arm (Ryan Newman), a telepathic girl (Kate Mara) and a rebellious teen who can disappear (Michael Cassidy) for some top-secret purpose the people who run the "academy" (or government installation) wants them for.

Jack does little to help the kids, haunted by his past as a part of a similar group of superhero-wannabes and the way those in charge mishandled his brother and indirectly caused the death of everyone else with him. The kids, on the other hand, are a little less-than-cooperative until Shepard takes over a fatherly role to them and does his job...unwittingly preparing them for a confrontation with his own brother.

Does anything about this film sound familiar? Obviously the "academy of superheros" thing was already done (and much better) by Sky High and X-Men and then you go throw in all manner of other stale elements such as the brooding leader figure and throw in a little bit of cheesy teen romance and there you have it.

I was not at all impressed with the script in this movie, a shortcoming that even the moderately-talented actors (also including Courteney Cox, Chevy Chase and Rip Torn) couldn't add any measure of reality to the film and every single one looked and sounded like they were acting in a high school play. I found the ending to be especially disappointing as the second 2/3 of the movie build up all this suspense as to what's going to happen, then there's a 30-second confrontation with a less-than-satisfying conclusion and the credits roll.

That said, this film is obviously a kid's movie so I suppose I can't be too hard on it from the acting, plot, and script angle even though I have found many kid's movies that put enough attention to these details that I've enjoyed them immensely. My two-year-old son isn't much to go by but he's the only kid I've had watch it so far and he really enjoyed all of the action near the end, the more active parts of the group's training, and any moment Ryan Newman was on the screen, a baby-faced girl only a few years older than himself.
There is a small amount of non-graphic violence in this movie and an obvious fantasy aspect that could bother some parents but is much cleaner than most everything else out there and should pass the pre-viewing of at least 85% of parents.

Overall, though, this movie doesn't have a whole lot of redeeming qualities and I think if you really want to purchase a superhero movie for the kids Sky High would be a much better bet as there is more of a story to it, some better acting, and a lot more visually intriguing action to keep the kids' attentions.