Moving on After a Bad Relationship: Don't Call Him, For Starters
A Chicks Guide to Getting Over, Mr. "Made My Life a Living Hell."
Hung up on Mr." Made my life a living Hell," and want to turn him into Mr." Nobody to you"? Right the wrong by moving on with your life. Nothing worthwhile comes easy baby, take the pain from your chest and flush down the ole tidy bowl. If you are truly done with the scene and wanting to pull the curtain, you can do so without the usual antics and a lot less drama.
Love can stink, but can also envelope you in the sweetest, warmest aromas you will ever sniff. Want to smell them sooner then later? Then stop crying the blues.
Lesson 1, (have you got a pen ready?), don't call him. You can miss him, have dreamy delusional thoughts, and think your life will end if you don't hear the sweet timbers of his voice.....tough. Don't call him.
Have a plethora of emergency numbers (friends not 911) for when the urge hits you. If you have to dial, then dial, just not him. If you have to talk, then talk, just not to him. Distance is crucial. Prepare friends for the incoming; let them know to expect calls morning, noon or night. If they are truly friends, they will be there for you.
Lesson 2: Don't call him. I say this as many of you will see fit to skip Lesson 1, feeling you are fast learner. I can not impress upon you enough the importance of resisting all and any urges to make contact. Which brings us to...
Lesson 3: Don't take his calls either. Get it? Are you taking notes yet? Here is why: he is either; missing making your life miserable and coming back for more, or, he needs something from you (perhaps a ring or gift back, or even a loan), OR point blank he is seeking to engage in his favorite physical activity. We all know what that is. Anyway you cut it, creating space and distance is healthy all the way around. Some chicks balk at this and will attempt to be "friends." Ahhh, isn't that nice? Just let me ask you one question, "why would you want to remain friends with an individual who has clearly distrupted your life and caused you insurmountable amounts of pain? Hmmmm? Call me crazy, but I don't think you need someone like that in your life on any level.
Lesson 4: Stop listening to sappy love songs that turn on the waterworks. No good, smudges the mascara. Pump up the jams, go work out, getter hotter for the next one. Go to the movies, one that will have you laughing on your backside. No teary eyed Tinas allowed.
Lesson 5: I am not without any sympathy here so..... Take 30 minutes a day to write out your angst. ONLY 30 minutes to vent, re-live the pain or scribble what you must. For your eyes only. This is not a diary for you to read to your friends at 1 am in the morning. This is therapy. Say it with me now, therapy. You are giving yourself 30 minutes a day to help get it out of your system, your head, your heart, in short, your life.
No cheating, 30 minutes only, not a minute more.
Lesson 6: Don't call him. Just incase you are weakening, had to remind you.
Lesson 7: Refrain from finding solace in chocolate or pizza. No good, putting on the pounds won't solve your problems or make you feel like you can conquer the world after a night of pigging out with Ben and Jerry. Those are two guys you don't need in your life either right now.
As I said before, pump up the jams and go work out. Busy is blessed, and busy people can't make stupid phone calls. Yes? Yes.
Lesson 8: Do not set out to "replace" the "space" in your heart. Rebound dating really bites. Rarely are solid long term relationships founded during the throes of the rebound dating ritual. Stay busy, give your heart some time to chill. And if you are inclined to date, by all means please keep it casual.
When you can look at another guy without thinking of past moments long gone, then it might be time to enter back into the playing field. Batter up.....
Lesson 9: When you do start to date again, don't spill your guts about the emotional trauma you have just endured. Big turn off for guys, and by the way, big turn off for guys. Not to mention if the next one is a shmuck too, you will be giving him ideas. Don't go there girls.
No need for new dates to know the tiniest details of your past love life.
Make it your finest hour but remaining upbeat, positive and yes, fun.
Lesson 10: Fake it til you make it. Which means repeating steps 1-10 as much as necessary. Broken hearts mend, life goes on, and my guess is, you will love again.
Life is short, enjoy the journey, for you never know when the journey will end.
Published by Jeziah Reign
I am a dreamer, a poet, a lover, a believer, an illusion, a truth, a mystery...and above all...I am just me. View profile
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54 Comments
Post a CommentLOVE this writer!!!
Abusers aren't worth the time. Was in abusive relationships in some way or another for a long time, not really realising it. I did not want sex to begin with, was nearly raped as a teen, seduced and used for sex in my opinion. Dated for about 10 years, been on maybe 6 dates. Felt extremely undervalued. So Glad I'm Over It. Its all the past, and I will Never Look Back. Leaving the Losers Behind, like they did to me.
Abusers aren't worth the time. Was in abusive relationships in some way or another for a long time, not really realising it. I did not want sex to begin with, was nearly raped as a teen, seduced and used for sex in my opinion. Dated for about 10 years, been on maybe 6 dates. Felt extremely undervalued. So Glad I'm Over It. Its all the past, and I will Never Look Back. Leaving the Losers Behind, like they did to me.
Abusers aren't worth the time. Was in abusive relationships in some way or another for a long time, not really realising it. I did not want sex to begin with, was nearly raped as a teen, seduced and used for sex in my opinion. Dated for about 10 years, been on maybe 6 dates. Felt extremely undervalued. So Glad I'm Over It. Its all the past, and I will Never Look Back. Leaving the Losers Behind, like they did to me. Cheers ;-)
If you have a full life then the pain of a break up will not be as intense. if you make a relationship the centre of your life you will feel empty if it ends. Learn what both of you did wrong and move on. Learn what you did wrong to avoid making the same mistake again. We learn from our mistakes and wasting time in heated drama is wasted energy. Use the spare time to refelct and do what you love. Next time behave better and be more discerning.
Yesterday, I found an account that my boyfriend used to have a private conversation to this girl who used to be my friend. I was wondering why he created one? And when I asked him if he knows about it, he denied it to me. I already smell something different and it hurts like hell. I felt so bad but I couldn't cry. I was trying to hurt myself so bad.
It was just yesterday. And now, the feeling I have is awful. We've been together for a year and almost a half. He was a bad guy before, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.. It was worth it. For some time.
All of the reasons of our break up is always because of his dishonesty. I've forgiven him twice and this is the third time and I finally think that this has to stop. I don't really know how to move on. I'm still waking up every morning thinking about how it broke my heart. It all happened in just a blink of an eye.
I miss him everyday. But thinking about how hurting it is for me, I already gave up. I hope I c
i just came out of a four year relationship with an addict that was abusive (physically and emotionally) and above all reckless.THANK YOU for giving me the strength to move on the right way. (p.s. i have done all the things BESIDES call him that u said not to do to look for solace now I will start doing what you said to do.)
This advice has come at a perfect time for me. I found out my husband was cheating on me 4 weeks after our honeymoon, it carried on for 5 months before I found out the truth accidently. There are days where I wish I didn't but deep down inside I dont want to live a lie. I have been weak and missed him so much, he was my life and now I felt that had been taken away from me. It is hard when you are still in love to move on, but I didn't have a choice in any of this. The pain I felt was the worst thing I have been through and there are still good days and bad days. At least now things are looking brighter and one day I will look back and realise that this was all for the best, even though that's difficult to say now :)
I am so grateful to the writer of this article, honey it was 'RIGHT ON TIME!!!"
May YOU be richly BLESSED! Because you have indeed blessed the women who has read your article. Continued Peace & Blessings to You!
THANKS.............