Moving with Children - Tips from a Veteran

When people find out that I have moved 18 times in 22 years, they ask what branch of the military we are... I wish sometimes we were! (I have heard the support systems are wonderful!) Briefly, my husband and I married when I was 18, and we have been chasing jobs, careers, and promotions ever since.

Some moves were forced, some a lark, some requested, and some just because the new job took us somewhere we had never lived before. All this was wonderful until we had our first cross-country move with our 9 month old daughter. The ad agency my husband worked for wanted us in DC and we left Texas with a small baby and a huge truck. Moving two adults is one thing, but moving with kids is another. Your own emotional level is already high, but now you have someone who has needs to deal with. What do you do?

Children in transition all have important needs that can and should be met my the parent or caregiver before all others. I have found that if they are stressed, they will affect the job I do, and then everyone is crabby!!

General tips: Remind them they are LOVED. You have been busy on the phone, running errands and generally too busy to deal with them. Tell them often how much you love them. It matters.

Stay on schedule: If nap time is 2:00 try to keep that, even if it is at a neighbors, in the ventilated car,or in an empty room with a "do not disturb" sign taped to the knob. Keep meals normal and on time. I have found 3 days of fast food never killed anyone, and they think it is fun! Do normal things like reading a book, watching a video or walking the dog, when chaos is all around, these are like concrete in the day.

Take care of yourself: Put makeup on (Yes, take the time you will be glad you did), eat as healthy as you can and drink water constantly. Breathe slowly and deeply when stressed. and know that it is OK to quietly disappear for 10 min if you need a minute of peace. Smile and laugh.. there must be something funny to laugh about ( or at least laugh about later!)

Keep it light: Things will go wrong. They may go really wrong. People do not show up. They show up hung-over (seriously - I did not feel sorry for them!) or not at all. Relax. The most important things are your family - the rest is just stuff that you can replace. Remind yourself that at days end, you will still be alive, you hopefully haven't harmed a packer or loader and your toilet still flushes. ( Yes, that happened too. Who knows what the guy ate..)

Remember your spouse/SO: They are probably stressed too. Give them a hug, make sure they eat and drink (and smile) too. You are in this together! If you do yell or criticize, apologize and start over. Take 5 or better yet, take 5 together to regroup.

Pets are people too: I have only had experience with dogs, but have learned some important tips along the way: If you know your new address, make a new tag and attach BOTH to the collar - just in case. People have a way of leaving doors open... Pack a special toy or treat and a beach towel for barfing or muddy feet. Find a empty room or area and set up a "pet area" with food and water. The more quiet the better. One of our dogs used to love the walkin closet as a safe haven. Take regular walks or potty breaks. They also need to know that you are safe and close. Find a local vet as soon as you can in case an emergency comes up. Buy extra food and stock pile so you don't have to look for a new pet store in the new area until you are ready.

Stroking a pet is also therapeutic. One of my Take 5 breaks was petting the dog in the walk in closet while my house was dismantled around me...

Kids and their stuff: IMPORTANT!!! They want to be a part too!!! Give them a small(manageable) box to "pack". Use tape and markers to decorate and label. DO NOT question what goes in the box!! It is important stuff to them!! It will be weird!! They need to make this mental transition themselves. By taking their things physically with them, they adjust better

in both new and old locations. Label their rooms with a sign they make themselves- "Brandon's New Room" to tape to the door. Now they have a place of their own for their Take 5. If possible, let age appropriate decisions be made by the child. Color, furniture placement and decorating give ownership and a stake in the transitions success.

Don't forget: In the middle of one move, I took the kids to get an ice cream. My husband thought I was nuts, but over a cone, we had some questions come up that they had been afraid I was too busy and stressed to answer. We handled the concerns and arrived back refreshed and ready for new challenges. I felt I had earned MY double scoop too! Some people remove children and pets to a neighbors, friends or relatives. In all our moves, I never did that. If you would be happier and able to focus better, it might be a good situation. I always felt that if they were involved from the get go, they had a better understanding and appreciation of the whole process and felt like they were a part to a very important chapter of our family. Whatever you do, hope this helps, God bless and good luck!