Moving Your Elderly Parent into Your Home

I overheard my daughters talking one day about "when Mom needs to be cared for." My youngest daughter spoke right up without hesitation and said that she would gladly take on the task. My oldest daughter, apparently envisioning soiled diapers and sputum said, "I'll even pay you to do it!" I didn't know whether to credit my youngest for her devotion or the oldest one for her honesty.

Taking an elderly parent into your home is a bigger burden than most people realize, and it can be physically, emotionally and financially draining. Often it is done without any forethought or planning, and the outcome can prove to be more disastrous than helpful. If the situation allows, the most important thing that you can do is to plan early. If you have a single or widowed parent that is in good health, discuss with them how they would prefer to have things handled should the inauspicious day ever arrive. They will appreciate the fact that you are being responsible and looking out for their well being.

In the event of a sudden illness or accident your decisions will have to be made more expeditiously. This can prove difficult if you are already undergoing an enormous amount of stress due to the health of your parent, and your judgement could be guided by your own grief. In this instance, it is best that you have a check list with which to work from.

1) Can you feasibly accommodate the parent? Do have a home large enough to house a hospital bed or any of the other required items necessary for their care? Will you need to make adjustments to your home, such as a wheelchair ramp or bathing facilities? Will moving them in require you to move family members around and, if so, can it be done in a manner that is comfortable for everyone?

2) Are you able to provide the care needed? Will it bother you to bathe them, change their diapers, insert a catheter or do any of the other required duties? This is not the time to play the heroic son or daughter. If you cannot be acceptant of the duties required to keep your parent comfortable, then admit to it. It is a far better thing than to allow them to suffer needlessly.

3) If both you and your spouse work, how will you provide care for the parent while you are away, and can you feasibly afford a caregiver during your absence? If you have teenage children, do NOT place the burden on them. It is hard enough for them to watch a grandparent waning away. Do not expect them to take on the responsibility of caring for them, too.

4) If you have children, what kinds of adjustments are going to be required of them? Placing your parent in an environment full of noise and chaos can hinder their progress. If you cannot provide safe and serene surroundings, then look for other alternatives.

5) Are you able to emotionally withstand the agony of watching your parent waste away and face the possibility of them succumbing to death in your home? It can be very hard on an adult child to see their parent suffer, and if they lose their fight, that memory could remain in that house for as long as you reside there.

The road to retirement is one that is much harder traveled in today's economy, and many seniors find it difficult (if not impossible) to survive on their own. You might consider the possibility of moving your parent in with you rather than watch them continually struggle with their finances. In this instance, your parent may be intellectually anchored and able bodied, and the move could benefit the both of you. Mom might feel more needed if she knows that you rely on her to pick the kids up from school or have dinner prepared when you arrive home.

Before tackling any checklist or packing your parents' things, it is important to discuss all aspects of the possible move with your spouse and children. This will be a big change for everyone, and it's only fair that they all have the opportunity to offer his or her own input. If Grandma is overbearing or Grandpa is short on patience, it can make everyone uncomfortable and result in more havoc than peace. Be certain that everyone is in agreement or investigate the alternatives.

Your parents dedicated years of their lives to taking care of your needs. They fed and clothed you, gave you safe shelter and cared for you through all of your childhood maladies. If (and when) they become dependent on you, carefully weigh all the options before making a decision, and be certain that the final result is what is truly best for everyone.