Mr. Doan's High School Guide to Being Unique!

1. Find your "Niche"!
Everyone wants to have friends. The trick is retaining your "individuality" within a certain group of people! Being unique doesn't mean you have to have different clothes, mindsets, or ways of talking than other people.

2. Clothes Make the Man/Woman!
After you've completed step 1, make sure that you figure out all of their secret spots to shop. Remember, seeing a teen aged boy buying pants in the girl's section is less conspicuous if you're in a group. Take special note of the t-shirts. These may be your ticket to stardom! Such shirts that exclaim obvious acceptance of the other gender are all the better. What better way to flatter a young maiden than with a shirt that simply states "Hi. You'll do." Those geniuses at the R&D department sure know how to sweep a girl off her feet!

3. Destroy your own self-image to get there.
Remember, no one dresses like they are representatives from art schools. So go ahead, wear the thick, black (or any other color), plastic frame glasses, the tight pants or patterned skirt, Chuck Taylors and retro (Make sure it's tight!) shirt. It's okay to look for others to help you throw out all your old boring clothes.

4. Abandon anyone who'll hinder your ability to get to the top of uniqueness.
Friends who say you've changed aren't really friends, right? They're probably just jealous of your new feathered hair cut that only covers one eye. When they say you've changed, just flip your hair and scoff. They don't understand the pain you're in, remember? The only people who know how you feel are My Chemical Romance, Panic! At the Disco, Fallout Boy, Underoath, Funeral For a Friend, Silverstein and the legions of emotionally-in-touch (read: whiny) teenagers that follow them religiously.

The fifth and final piece of advice about becoming unique: GET A MYSPACE/XANGA/FACEBOOK!
What better way to keep your friends on the "in" about you and your feelings than creating a webpage with your picture, a song of your choice (quite the luxury), and a crappy message board? Don't forget about the incomparable power these pages have in sucking the life out of teenage people. Not only will your myspace generate comments from friends, but people anywhere in the WORLD can see your pretty unique face!