Mrs. Clinton's Favorite Cookies

It was Hillary Clinton.

I was at the Coral Ridge Mall, near Iowa City.

The mall was packed. There is little evidence of a recession here for a couple of reasons. The ever increasing price of college has kept those affiliated with the University of Iowa in the flush, and each gallon of ethanol we pump into our car tanks pays for a new Wii game for some farmer's kid.

Iowa is a great test market for consumer items. If you have a new toilet and you want to see if people will flush it right: Iowa. If you have a new type of fatty snack food, you test it in Iowa. If you are a politician with some warmed over blather, you test in Iowa.

The reasoning is, Iowans will buy anything.

"That's what I'm counting on," said Mrs. Clinton.

It's been a tough race out here for Bill's wife. (Sorry, I mean Mrs. Clinton.) She had to come out swinging and accuse Barack Obama of being a drug addict.

"Oh, I know that's not true," said Mrs. Clinton. "But if he tries one of these he will be addicted." She took a big bite.

Possible First Hubby Bill has been on the stump out here, but he's been taking it easy on the other politicians. Experts say it's because he is distracted. A few corn farmers daughters have brought books to be autographed. Not the President's book, but "The Secret of O." Some wore blue dresses.

When he's not signing and shucking and jiving, Bill has been helping in the kitchen. Experts say that he will make the perfect first hubby, as he is in touch with his feminine side. No expert detailed which side of the feminine he touched the most.

"We've always invested in the future," said Mrs. Clinton, biting into a large cookie. "At the Rose Law firm I made some great investments. And we have the inside scoop on everybody. I mean everybody. We had those FBI files in my closet the entire time they were missing. People come to us."

I looked at the Menu Board.

I chose the "Red Cookie".

"Oh, that's yummy," said Mrs. Clinton. "Its full of pork and makes your fingers sticky."

My friend tried the "Old Foster Cookie".

"It's a killer recipe that I made for a friend way back in the Washington days."

The next cookie had a slip of paper inside.

"I got that idea from my Chinese friends. I have many, many close Chinese friends, as you know."

The little slip said, "Your fortune will increase when I'm elected. Here's how...". The rest of the message was encrypted.

Mrs. Clinton's Cookies is not the newest shop in the food court at the Coral City Mall. Next door you have the Rudy's New York (It's out East) Deli; then the Straight Talk Sandwich Shop, "where I talk and you can't contribute"; and Obama's Mammas Soul Food and White Bread Cafe.

"It's the future," Mrs. Clinton said, laughing. "After all, I said I wouldn't stay home and bake cookies. I never said I wouldn't try to sell anybody a bill of goods. Same with my partners Rudy, Barack and John McCain."

John Edwards? He opened a hair salon.