MTV's Wedding Curse: Three Celebrity Couples Bite the Dust

I could write an article about how MTV constantly ruins lives. People waste 17% of their lives watching MTV, time that could be spent curing cancer, bike riding, building birdfeeders or doing jumping jacks. This is science; I read it in a science book. Don't even get me started about the countless humans they've brainwashed through reality TV. You could go on and on, you could write your college thesis on the matter; the bottom line is this: MTV is evil.

I don't want to talk about all those things though. I'd like to look at the destructive nature of MTV by peering into the microscope of celebrity marriage divorce. MTV has been directly responsible for the break up of three marriages in the last year alone, and by celebrity I mean: people who were famous (or at least semi-famous) before they got a show on MTV. If I counted all the people who broke up after meeting on Singled Out, well, we'd be here all day.

JESSICA SIMPSON AND NICK LACHEY

This is obviously the most famous MTV-related divorce casualty, but what really went wrong? The tabloids have speculated, maybe you have too, maybe you speculated on line with your mute infant baby while reading a tabloid at the supermarket. Did Nick have a wondering eye? Was it a Dukes of Hazzard affair with Johnny Knoxville that did the trick? Most people want to believe that those two crazy kids were happily married and some other external factor had to have been at work to break up TV's most happiestly married couple, like, ever. It's not like saying MTV had a hand in the breakup is going out on a limb or anything. I'm sure everyone assumes that the strain of a public, televised relationship played at least some part in the divorce, but is it the only reason? Of course it was, and it's not even totally MTV's fault. It was Jessica and Nick's fault too. They didn't like each other. Think about it. Getting married, doing Newlyweds and then divorcing was the best career move ever. What, you think Lachey was banking on the 98 Degrees Reunion Tour? Give me a break.

CARMEN ELEKTRA AND DAVE NAVARRO

This is the one that started it all, most people don't know that. Carmen Elektra and Dave Navarro's show, Till Death Do Us Part, was actually a precursor to Newlyweds. However not nearly as many people watched this show, and I'll tell you why. It was kind of creepy. To the best of my recollection most of the show was centered around a morgue and Navarro was constantly getting bitched at for smoking cigarettes. Though, he counter-bitched Elektra because he needed the smokes in lieu of a horrendous heroin addiction, which he had just gotten over. As a couple, they lasted way longer than Nick and Jessica, so I guess you could say that MTV didn't play that big a part in their divorce. This is about the time I should be getting into the whole MTV Wedding Curse thing, as my title would indicate. But that was just a catchy way to lure you in. Wedding curses don't exist, but death curses do. Keep reading or I'll put one on you.

TRAVIS BARKER AND HIS DUMB WIFE

I honestly can't remember what this chick's name was, which is sad because I watched about every stupid episode of their show Meet the Barkers. Meet the Barkers was about punk rock drummer Travis Barker and his dumb, hot, boring, sleepy, selfish wife ______. They had a couple of kids together too- making their divorce more on the sad side (rather than the "I told you so" side, like the other two were). There were a couple aspects of this show that I really took offense to. One being the treatment of the wife's child from a previous relationship. Nobody paid any attention to this little girl; I felt so bad for her. Barker treated her like shit (he was more affectionate with the dog) and the mother wasn't too much better. Secondly, Meet the Barkers let the world no how un-punk the tattooed Blink-182 drummer really is. All he did was bitch about everything and shop at expensive stores and worry about his clothing line. I hated this show, but I couldn't look away; total train wreck scenario. Other than the children, I'm glad these two split up (if only so they don't reproduce every again).

Keep it comin' MTV. You know I love ya.