Musings from the Meltdown

Since your humble correspondent has entirely too much time on his hands, he submits the following musings for your consideration.

In the "meanings of words are constantly being changed" department, here are my contributions to a future edition of Mr. Webster's lexicon:

earmark (noun): traditionally, a unique and easily identifiable mark placed on the ear of an animal in order to show ownership, e.g. an earmark is placed on the ear of a sacred cow to distinguish it from others in a herd of sacred cows; (verb trans.) to designate for a specific use, such as the theft of the taxpayers' money for earmark spending

earmark spending (noun): the payment, with interest, for votes purchased in the previous election cycle

From the FoxNews.com website, this is the first thing I saw this morning when my hung-over eyes were finally able to focus on the monitor:

"President Barack Obama lambasted AIG for 'recklessness and greed"'on Monday and pledged to try to block the $165 million in bonuses."

Being called 'reckless and greedy' by Barak Obama, the man who has essentially bankrupted the national treasury with Congressionally-assisted 3.6 trillion bucks in deficit spending, carries the same moral authority as being called "ugly" by Willie Nelson

CNN reported that Sen. Chris Dodd (Hypocrite-CT) wants his fellow group of congenital idiots to pass a change in the tax law to tax the AIG bonus money at 98%", threatening the company that such a change "could happen fast ... We could write this tomorrow."

Senator Dodd, if your constituents could read and write you would be out of a job so fast you wouldn't have enough time to negotiate a plea bargain.

Also from the Congressional Nonsense Network, Reuters, CBS, NBC, Fox, ABC, and every other network/wire service/total waste of perfectly good protoplasm that was having a slow news day, comes word that Sen. Dodd's fellow ear-marker, tax writer, money waster and influence peddler Charles Grassley (Lobotomy-Iowa) comes the suggestion that the AIG executives should "follow the Japanese example" by "apologizing to the American people and ... commit suicide ..."

Senator Grassley, if being stupid is grounds for suicide, here is your one big chance to lead by example. And while you're at it, do you think you could pull a Jim Jones and get the other 99 tumors on the body politic to join you?

Over on the Outhouse of Representatives side, Barney Frank (Pond Scum-MA) received a letter New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo (Nitwit-Another Planet) who is also whining about the AIG bonuses. I quote from that letter (and translate):

Dear Chairman Frank:

(Hey, frog-face):

"We learned over the weekend that AIG had, last Friday, distributed more than $160 million in retention payments to members of its Financial Products Subsidiary, the unit of AIG that was principally responsible for the firm's meltdown ...

(AIG just splashed around $160 million and we didn't get our piece of the action)."

"AIG now claims that it had no choice but to pay these sums ... However, had the federal government not bailed out AIG with billions in taxpayer funds, the firm likely would have gone bankrupt ... I hope the Committee will take up this issue at its hearing tomorrow ..."

(They had an excuse, WHICH YOU DON'T ... the clowns are playing with FAMILY'S money, not yours ... Take care of this before you find yourself wearing a cement overcoat in the East River!)

Andrew M. Cuomo

Attorney General of the State of New York

(Andy the Bull^{^}O^{^}

Corleone, Genovese, Bonanno, and Gotti, LLC)

Lest you think that I'm being overlooking my local group of political hacks and other collections of unindicted co-conspirators, I can proudly report that, as a result of his guilty plea to charges that he accepted $600,000 in kickbacks, the bloated carcass of former New Mexico State Senate Chairman Manny Aragon will be placed under the care of the Department of Justice's Bureau of Prisons and Weight Watchers Clubs for a period of 5½ years as well as being relieved of excess weight equivalent to a $1.1 million.

Aragon also gets an honorable mention in this month's "O.J. Simpson Memorial Dumbest Reason to Ask the Judge for Mercy in Sentencing Competition:" he was depressed because he had retired from the State Senate and missed being in a position of political power.

And to remind us not to make hasty judgments, the green coloring in the White House fountains was placed there intentionally to commemorate St. Patrick's Day and is not due to ink that was washed away during money laundering. To the credit of our Chief Executive, he did not use the occasion to make nostalgic comments about his Irish ancestors.