Mutant Blondes: High in Sex Appeal

Science has finally confirmed what I have believed all along. Blondes, in all their blatant sex appeal, are mutants.

Some 10,000 years ago, the mutant blonde gene emerged. Early man was still a hunter who often needed to travel vast distances for prey. He realized that in order to provide for his family, he would most likely be successful if he had only one wife to provide for. He looked around and decided to pick his prize from among the standard fair of dark skinned, dark haired women he had always known. He chose the blonde and the rest, as they say, is history.

Blondes, it seems, claimed the title of sex goddess when Praxiteles presented his statute of Aphrodite as a blonde sex Goddess. Homer imagined Aphrodite emerging from the churning waters wearing nothing but her golden locks and thus began the many reproductions of Aphrodite in all her blonde beauty.

In Roman times, Venus emerged as the new sex goddess, once again adorned with golden locks. Naturally blonde Germans were also captured in battle and brought to Rome to serve as slaves.

The Natives, unable to compete with the blonde beauties that were being imported as slaves, and consequently mistresses, began to seek out ways to lighten their own hair.

Prostitutes soon began to cultivate ways to bleach their hair blonde, or to wear blonde wigs, in order to capture the attention of the male population.

Thus began the sometimes brutal competition between blondes and their brunette counterparts.

By the third century AD, religious leaders had deemed blondes as immoral creatures that tempted virtuous men and blondes began the decent to a lower station in life. But this did not end the appeal of the alluring blonde.

The middle ages portrayed both the Virgin Mary and Mary Magdalene as blondes. Suddenly, blondes gained the role of both sexually alluring and of pure innocence.

In literature, blondes were often portrayed are evil vixens that were conniving and manipulating.

With the arrival of the 19th century, and the availability for any brunette to magically become blonde, this image changed. Although it was still rather risky to dye ones hair blonde, as the ingredients could easily backfire and burn the hair, the wealthier population was able to afford the finest ingredients and don blonde locks.

At this time, blonde became the mark of the wealthy and soon became equated with social climbers who slept their way to the top. The fact that blondes were now using their looks to garner success, led others to believe they did not have the brains to make it on their own and had to rely on looks alone.

The era of blonde jokes arose.

By the mid 1900's, becoming a blonde became easier and easier. Suddenly, bottle blondes became standard fair in the US.

The image of the bleached blonde social climber, who uses her sex appeal and female wiles to get what she wants from men, survives. Blonde jokes poke fun at the mindless sex kitten that doesn't have a mind of her own and survives solely on looks. Yet, there is certain innocence reserved for the natural blonde.

Man is not yet ready to accept that his image of the blonde may not be entirely accurate. Women are not ready to let go of the image of mindless blonde mutants that ooze sex appeal.

Perhaps someday, blondes will no longer be plagued by the images others have created for them; but until then, we will always have blonde jokes.