My 2009 New Year's Resolution: Find Myself

As a stay at home mom and wife, I've slowly slipped into this place of non-identity. I could say that my son and husband are who define me as a person. I doubt I am the only one that feels this way. I love my family, don't get me wrong. When I am asked what I do, I tend to talk about my guys, their lives and how I fit in that picture. I was once the one with the aspirations for the future and then life happened. This year, I vow to give myself permission to be proud of my accomplishments. I playfully say, I am going to be "selfish", that's right! I am going to strive to be me and here is my 5 step plan in doing so.

Seek Pleasure - I will seek out activities that I take pleasure in. As for me, I have a few things I enjoy profusely. Creating anything, be it a dish learned at a friend's home, a sandcastle at the beach, a watercolor painting in my mother's studio, or crafting a new necklace, I know this is what I love to do! That being said I need to set aside the time, to do these things. I can find time to do the laundry and go to Boy Scouts, so I will find the time daily to seek out creative endeavors, even if it is something small in scale. I also enjoy spending time outdoors, such as, walking the local nature preserve with my dogs, hiking to a nearby lake, kayaking in the bay, or camping. I find solitude and peace in nature, and I will seek outdoor activities, to elevate my mood.

Positive Friendships - I will surround myself with people that will help me become more positive and that I would be happy to call my friends. I have tagged along on some recent girlfriend events, for a local church and it was nice to actually act as an individual. Spending time with a varied group that are encouraging and open hearted has really helped me to start in this journey. I have a few friends that I must make more time for, selfishly because I feel more "me" when I spend time with them.

Permit Small Indulgences - I will allow myself little treats without guilt. I'm not saying I will go on shopping sprees on a daily basis, but, I will go out to coffee with a friend or buy a book I've been dying to read, occasionally. I struggle with the feeling that I should not spend any money, because I am not working out of the home. That stops now! These little indulgences can also include for an example, a night of fun with friends, unescorted by my child or husband, shame free.

Confront Uncertainties - I will face my fears. I fear rejection, in the most part. I will put myself out there and be myself. If I am silly, I am already used to making a fool out of myself. If you like me, you like me, if not, oh well. This is very hard for me since I come from generations of "pleasers". I have already started this process, by submitting my writing for the world to see. I know that it's ok to fail, as long as I get right back up and dust myself off.

Reflect - I will contemplate my days by journaling. That way, I can assess what I can do to improve and what I have learned about myself. I will be able to look back at things I have done and forgive myself, for going astray, or appreciate the things I have accomplished.

I know it's strange to think you can find yourself in a year's time. I will be so much closer to my authentic self, if I can give "me" the same amount of attention that I give my family. I am looking forward to a new year full of thrill!