My Battle with Depression

A few weeks ago, I realized I was 'depressed'. I found myself dwelling on things I have no control over. Those little things were draining me of energy and any happiness I normally enjoyed in life's little pleasures. For instance, I find joy in standing in front of my living room window and lifting my hands in praise. I find joy in watching little creatures like birds and squirrels at play or rummaging for food, playing or even fighting. I find joy in playing with babies in the grocery store. I find joy in speaking to someone who does not have a smile and seeing a smile come over their face after seeing me smile. I even find joy in giving someone who has a need my last dollar.

So you see life's little pleasures provide me with joy. When I discovered I was depressed, I immediately considered taking a pill to relax and try to take my mind off the reason I was depressed. You see there is something going on in my life that I simply have no control over. I have prayed and prayed to God. I know I will have an answer to my prayer because he has answered every prayer I have ever prayed. Some have been answered with a resounding 'NO'. However, the majority of my prayers have been answered with a beautiful and loving 'YES'.

I am waiting for my answer to this prayer. However, I find myself sometimes being a little impatient and wanting an answer immediately. This is what has caused my present stage of depression. I have been waiting for approximately twenty-one months for an answer.

Years ago, I fasted and prayed waiting for an answer to a prayer. The answer finally came after five years of waiting. Therefore, you see, sometimes the answer we seek to our prayers do not come quickly.

This particular stage of depression has eased a little since the beginning or the onset. How you might ask! I have realized that I must not allow depression to take control. Yet, the burden is sometimes a little consuming.

The reason for my depressed state tends to be a constant episode in my mind. It takes its toll each day. I find myself not wanting to be with others. I gather all the will I can and stay with individuals when needed however, I long for isolation.

When I am isolated from others, I gather myself and begin to meditate so I can gain some measure of peace and talk with God. I ask Him to allow me to walk with Him while He holds my hand. I know when He is present with me. I can feel Him easing the desperation felt.

This episode of depression is consuming. Soon, I have confidence in the fact I will receive an answer from Him. I am just waiting for the Lord to guide me on how to handle the situation I find myself in. Until I hear a word from Him, I will continue to pray and seek His face.