My Best Puns

I Love Puns.

I'm a pun person. I love inventing and telling them. But, I tell only those I've created myself. I think it's cheating to tell a pun someone else has come up with. It's like stealing someone else's creativity.

The louder the groan, the better I like it when I inflict one of my puns on someone. Sometimes I'll get a little shove that sort of means, "Get away from me with that."

Here are some that I like best.

We all know that Dr. Jekyll would drink a potion and turn into Mr. Hyde. There were other experiments. He began drinking insect repellent and this would turn him into a fly. The next day, he be Dr. Jekyll again. The people in the neighborhood got used to what was going on and the referred to him as the person who a respected doctor by day and a fly by night.

The great whale Moby Dick was having stomach problems. He went to the whale doctor and was told that he needed to swallow more roughage. He recommended sailing ships. The remedy work. Moby thrived on a diet of fish and ships.

Three beggars needed to make some money so they decided to into the shoe business. One of the beggars tried selling shoes but he was no good at this. Another, tried repairing them. He suffered the same result. The third tried designing shoes but his designs were awful. All this goes to prove that beggars can't be shoesers.

Farmer Jones knew that the best milk comes from contented cows. So every day, he would tell them jokes. The cows laughed and laughed. And they gave excellent milk. Pretty soon the word got around. Farmer Jones and the cows got famous and became known as the laughing stock of the community.

Suzie needed money so she decided to learn how to make candy. At first nothing worked. Her bonbons bombed and her fruit loops drooped. But she persisted and, at last, she learned and she made a mint.

Henry's brain began to grow and he grew very smart. But it got so large he needed surgery to reduce its size. Alas, the operation was so delicate no doctor was willing to try it. But his barber, Sam Snipper, volunteered for the job. Just as we was going under, Henry whispered to him, "Please, Sam, don't take too much off the top!"

There is a fad among chickens. They love to have their feathers clipped. So popular is this fashion that chickens wait in line, sometimes for hours, to be clipped. The newspapers have been super busy describing these world-famous chicken barber queues.

Mickey Finn died penniless and there arose a problem as to who would pay for the burial expenses. Patty wouldn't do it and neither would Sean. But there was a fellow who had been very close to Mickey. His name was Huck. He arose and loudly announced, "Huck'll bury Finn!"

By accident someone poured a jigger of rye into a pot containing a geranium. Strangely, the plant began to hiccup. Scientists were brought in and discovered that the plant had become drunk from the dry. The news was reported widely and people from all over the country came to see the potted plant.