My Big Brother

Like a tree
...standing strong
......roots deep and long.
Like a breeze
...on summer days
......in memory stays.
Like a field
...the harvest done
......rests in the sun.

I remember a lot about my big brother, Junior. I remember the jokes he played on me. I remember he could fix any car. I remember he could always be trusted. I remember he made me feel special.

I left the rural area that was home. My big brother stayed. Over the years, I managed to raise a child by myself, build a career, and make a life that was very separate from that of my big brother. And while doing so, I forgot.

I forgot to be amazed as this man with an eighth grade education from a one-room school house became an accomplished farmer, plumber, electrician, and builder. I forgot that my big brother raised five children while I raised one. I didn't think of the values he maintained through years of faithful marriage. I missed the lessons in ethics, team building, craftsmanship, and perseverance he held in classrooms disguised as corn fields, tobacco barns, and the family living room.

I didn't see the sacrifice he made by staying close to home. I hardly noticed the lightened load as he and his family shouldered the responsibility for our aging parents. I never pondered what life was like for him. My thoughts were self-centered, viewed through my eyes and limited by the demands of my very small world.

It's ironic that, to a degree, my current thoughts are self-centered as well. So often, we fail to consider the true value of people close to us until faced with their absence.

Now as I think about the man my big brother was, I wonder why I didn't seek his advice more often. I wish I could tell him how much admiration and respect I have for him. I regret the many times I forgot to thank him for all he's done. And I'm sad because I don't have time to correct my forgetfulness. He left us too fast. Too fast to see his grandchildren grow up. Too fast for me to tell him everything I missed.

But as I think of the family he raised and the life he led, I am comforted. I am comforted because I know that while many, like me, were busy making small ripples in a large world, my brother's circle of influence, though sadly shortened, has been as large as life itself.

for my big brother Junior, who left us too soon
in loving memory
Jesse Baker, Jr.
9/1/39 - 3/15/98