My BIG Secret

At the age of nineteen, like any other girl growing up in the South Side of San Antonio, I was in love with the lousiest piece of trash you could possibly find at the bottom of a Garbage Gobbler. Wearing baggy basketball shorts and a white "wife-beater" almost every day of the year, he reminded me of a big black pimp trapped in a skinny Mexican boy's body. He began every sentence with the same three words, "Say...uh...Rocky.....?" Uneducated and unemployed, he thought himself a gift to women. Little did he realize that women don't usually appreciate gifts embellished with Coke-bottle eyeglasses and bad acne.
Nevertheless, I was in love with his charming ways and his outrageous behavior that had never been part of my childhood. I was reserved, quiet and soft-spoken. He was loud, exciting, funny and spontaneous. After being with him for almost a year, I found out he had fathered a child with a girl my age. In his attempt to run away from responsibility, he left her for me. I wasn't aware of the situation until after the baby was born. I admitt, I felt bad for the girl, but still wanted to keep my boyfriend all to myself. He was criticized by my family and friends and when he came to me with this dilemma, I truly wanted to help him, and prove to everyone that he was a good person, regardless of the fact that he had been in jail previously for theft.

One night, he called me, crying to me, telling me that his father left him when he was young and he didn't want his baby daughter to remember him in that same way when she grew up to be a young lady. He wanted to be there for her and said that he loved me and wanted me to be a part of his life with his daughter too. All he had to do was gain the trust of his ex-girlfriend to allow the baby to stay with him, and we could be our own little seperate family when baby Adrianna was around. He was so emotional and set on his goal to be a good father. I admired that in him and told him that whatever he needed help with, I would be willing to do. I was even willing to understand that he would have to see his ex once in a while to be able to see his daughter. That same night, he said he was so happy that I was willing to help him and he loved me so much. He wanted to come over to my side of town so we could talk face to face and go over the plans he had for the future and how to become a part of his daughter's life.
Little did I know what he had in mind.

He arrived at the corner store down the street from my parent's home at about midnight. I snuck out of my room through the window and met him there. We walked down the street to the old elementary school where we sat on the swings and talked about the baby and how he was going to get through to his ex about having partial custody of their daughter. Plan A was pretty basic: get a job, pay child support. Plan B was not an option: dump me and get back with his ex-girlfriend, Jessica. Then there was plan C: steal a car and leave that night to go see the baby across town to prove to Jessica that he would do ANYTHING for Adrianna. My first reaction was shock. How insane could someone be to even think about breaking the law to get a ride across town? My second reaction was that he must really be such a sweet, kind, guy that was in a real hurry to see his newborn daughter, no matter what the cost.
Then he dropped the bomb.

"I need to ask you for a favor, Rocky...", he said. I was willing to agree to almost anything at that point. "I need you to make a copy of your dad's car key."
I laughed and asked why I would need a copy of the key when he lets me use the car whenever I want, as long as I ask.
Then he told me that this was the car he was going to steal. I went nuts! I yelled at him, asking how he could ask me to do such a thing. I mean really, my own father? He quickly turned things around on me, saying I was trying to prevent him from seeing his daughter, I was being cold and selfish and completely irrational. I tried to smooth things out by offering to give him a ride to see her. I could borrow the car in the morning and take him to his ex's house and wait outside. According to him, if Jessica so much as saw me, I was surely dead and he would be forbidden to see his daughter forever. It was believable to me. Some people get a little angry and use the kids as leverage. Not too far fetched. After much debating, arguing and crying, I gave in. He was so delighted. He told me how much he loved me and he would be careful. The plan was to take the car late at night--late meaning midnight for my parents. He would drive across town to see his daughter for an hour, then come back after putting gas in the car. My father was to be up in the morning by four to be at work by five. George promised he'd be home by 3 a.m. with the car in the driveway. I hesitantly agreed to go along with the plan and early the next morning, I borrowed the car to "run errands" and had a copy of the car key made.

My parents were in bed by 10 p.m. that evening and my sister was fast asleep by the time midnight came around. I opened my bedroom window when I saw his figure approach the house. Without saying a word, I slipped him the key to my daddy's car. He put the car in neutral and pushed it out into the street to keep the ignition noise from disturbing the house. It was a smooth getaway.

One a.m. came and went. Two a.m., nothing. Three a.m. was coming to an end and panick set in. I heard my father's alarm go off in the other room, signaling him to wake up and prepare for the day ahead. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and my stomach felt like it had fallen to my knees. I nervously listened as the shower ran. It was only a matter of time before my dad would be grabbing his keys and kissing my mom goodbye.
But George never showed up. I felt dread overcome me when I heard my father leave the house and immediatley barge right back inside to call the police. He woke my mom, checked on my sister and I to make sure we were safe. My mother was worried half to death, my dad was frantic, and there I was, hugging my knees as I looked on with guilt in my heart and tears welling in my eyes.

The car was found later in the day, about a half mile from the neighborhood George said he was going to. It was parked on the shoulder of the highway. No scratches, no dents, no stolen property. A bizzare auto theft with no intent, other than a ride across town.
Three days later, I received a phone call from George, telling me he was sorry, but he and Jessica worked things out and were getting back together for good this time.
My parents never found out about my dirty little secret. To this day, I still live with the guilt and shame and wonder why the freakin' loser didn't just take the damn bus!