My Biggest Secret
What I Do in Private that No One Knows About
The disorder begins innocently enough. For me it started when I was squeezing a pimple on my one shoulder blade. As my pimple would scab over, I would have this increasing urge to pick it off. What would start as a tiny mark on my body would end up being a huge, scabby mess from me constantly picking. As I started to feel some sort of stress release from picking at this one scab, I found myself moving to other areas of my body looking for something anywhere to pick at. If I couldn't find anything to pick, I would start digging at my skin so that I would have something to pick at.
During the winter, it is always easy to hide the evidence of my problem. In the summer I have had to become a little more creative, but when my husband has asked me about a couple of the scabbed, infected sores on my body I just tell him they get so itchy I can't help scratching them. The areas of my body I have abused the most have been my upper back, shoulders, upper arms, my lips and my face. I can go for hours and just sit and pick at my lips when no one is watching - especially in the winter when they are the driest. I can't control it and it is like my mind is somewhere else when I am doing this. I am in a trance.
When it comes to picking at my face, I try to be more careful. I have to keep this problem hidden as much as possible and too much picking on my face will be giving away my secret. I already have a dermatology problem that causes tiny bumps on my face. I have this uncontrollable urge to pick at these tiny bumps. I am able to blame the damage from my picking on my other dermatology problem or I can cover up the evidence with makeup.
For those of us with Dermatillomania, the urge to pick our skin is so intense and so strong, that major damage can be done to the skin. Someone with Dermatillomania will mainly work on picking at areas of the skin that already have pimples, scars, mosquito bites, scabs and even ingrown hairs. People with Dermatillomania feel the same type of anxiety release as those who are cutters. It is all self-injury, self-inflicted wounding to the body.
There is not a lot known about Dermatillomania and there has not been a lot of research done on this disorder but it has been linked to obsessive-compulsive disorder. Body Dysmorphic Disorder is another common condition found among those with Dermatillomania. Body Dysmorphic Disorder is a condition where one has a distorted body image of one's self and tend to be obsessed with a particular body imperfection.
Cognitive behavior therapy is used to treat Dermatillomania where the patient learns to recognize destructive thoughts and/or behaviors and then teaches the brain how to cope in ways that are not destructive to the body. Antidepressants are also used in conjunction with cognitive behavior therapy to improve the chances for a cure.
Am I crazy? After writing this out for the first time, it sure sounds that way, doesn't it? I feel normal in every other aspect of my life. There is just this one dark corner of my mind that obsesses on hurting myself. I guess this article is my first step to recovery. I've admitted that I have a problem. Now it is up to me to fix it.
Published by WD
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35 Comments
Post a CommentOh and CPD is Compulsive Picking Disorder. It is another title I've heard for this.
Been a battle since pre-teen years. Entire body. Pick everything. Can't stop. Will do it for hours. For years it has stopped me from going out with my friends (i'm in college now) or even doing things like going to the grocery store. Make up doesn't always cover it up. I used to go to the tanning bed obsessively to hide the scars. Rubber gloves have worked the best for me, but they are the most annoying thing ever and I haven't been able to stick with them. I agree it's a stress relief thing. I do it most when I'm avoiding something. I started acknowledging my habit a year ago- that I have CPD. But still haven't really started curing it. Really want to. Thank you for your article.
I have been picking at my sores and skin for years. My face is a mess. make up is not covering it up. I am surprised that others have this problem to.
I too have issues with picking. I usually end up picking moles off of my skin. Does anyone pick their moles? It usually ends up looking worse than just having a mole there but I have done it for almost ten years- I'm running out of moles! It's gross to talk about- even writing it seems weird- but hey what the heck. This is my secret.
I too have the same problem. I self-diagnosed, (and later professionally had confirmed) myself with OCD nearly 5 yrs ago. It was only tonight I specifically knew exactly what sub-division (?) of OCD I have; dermatillomania. It fits like a glove. Like the others who have this disease, it is embarassingly delibitating. And, YES, I like the others WANT to STOP! My face, upper arms, shoulders, back, are unsightly from it. My face, not so bad, but the others areas mentioned, it's time for a dermatologists glycolic peel. Only, to step right out of her office and begin all over again.
Yoga/meditation does help. I just need to do it more often. And, yes psycho-therapy offers assistance, only if you tell your counsellor. I hope this year I will be able to get a grip and rid myself of this.
It is a relief to know the exact name for this ailment. It is also a relief to know that they're others such as myself (who I wish did not) suffers from this illness. I'm not shamelessly alone an
I also have suffered with this problem for about 25 years. When I was a kid, I bit the sides of my cheeks, and bit my nails to the point of blood. When I started to get pimples, I began squeezing them and got such satisfaction out of 'cleansing' the pus out. Many times the pimple would get better, encouraging me to do it again and again. But then there would be the times I would CAUSE an unripe to zit to get way bigger. and it would stay on my face for months, causing scars. I always ended up getting rid of the scab, only to have the same lump underneath, that was begging to be squeezed again, and the cycle would continue over and over again. I have many acne scars. I have been told that I am very attractive, and this is the one flaw that I have. If only I could stop picking at my face, I know I would have less pimples. But it is impossible for me to ignore any bump on my face that I KNOW will squeeze out. (at least I think I KNOW, but end up being wrong many times) When I w
has any one found little white hard things under your scabs i've pulled them out what are they?
Thank you for sharing this. I thought I was just weird. I really want to stop before the scars get too bad. Does anyone have anything that worked for them?
I do the same thing. I constantly pick at my scalp, ears, mustache.The scabs never heal because you just start the process over again when you pick.
I've had both of these issues since I was a young teenager. I hope there's a way to rid myself of them without having to use prescription drugs. Thanks so much for the info.