My Biggest Secret

There are many addictions that human beings can fall prey too. Alcohol or drugs are the most common and destroy many lives as a result.

My addiction is different. I think I have conquered it and have learned to face reality. However, it does rear its' calling periodically and causes me to drift backwards in my mind recalling familiar memories of long ago.

I am sometimes reminded of that emotionally charged time when I receive an email or a greeting from one of the many individuals responsible for my ailment. Usually, the short message is an update about where they are, what they are doing or perhaps there is a question posed about an upcoming opportunity. I seize the chance to reply, knowing full well that it will awaken fond and familiar memories which will cause a few palpitations in my heart and perhaps an unwanted tear to appear, but I will recover and move on. Life is good now. I have passed through that phase of my addiction and am now in full recovery. Actually, I never realized the power of that was being exerted over me. I thought I was in control. Here is the story.

There were just twelve of them. Each individual was unique and all were talented. There was an athlete, a poet, a mountain biker, an intellectual and a myriad of other talents among them. There was the extroverted joker, the joyfully spirited, the often melancholy and the always amiable. As a group they were charitable, honest and loquacious. They began their senior year of high school with only one thought in mind - graduation in June! Twelve unique personalities separate and distinct yet blended together and bonded forever by the common experiences they had shared during the past four years. They would go their separate ways in June, but for now they were creating the memories that would last their lifetimes.

It was a small private school with a senior class of twelve. I was a teacher for all of them as well as the senior class advisor. After completing a second career in teaching, I was going to graduate too. I was retiring and my seniors would soon be stepping out into an unfamiliar world and begin the final phases of their journey into adulthood. It was an exciting year. They argued, debated, congratulated one another on successes and cried together when there were defeats. I joined them in celebrating their accomplishments and shared some of their pain. They were a resilient and indefatigable group as they encountered the challenges of their senior year.

As graduation day approached I became somewhat melancholy when I contemplated retirement, knowing that my days of being greeted in the morning with the exuberance of youth were numbered. I wondered how I would cope with the absence of this wonderful and youthful elixir.

Its' been over five years now and I have conquered the need for a youthful fix of enthusiasm before beginning my day. Oh, I'm happy, - don't get me wrong. It just took some time to overcome that powerful addiction that had penetrated my soul without my actual awareness.

Now, I need to get back to work. The garden calls and needs to be tended in preparation for spring planting. I also need to pick up my new motorcycle. I convinced Sue, my wife, that it would save us money on gas for those short trips to the store for daily essentials. I also am preparing for my trip to the August Motorcycle Rally in Sturgis, South Dakota. Sue will ride with me as we start out on another new adventure.

Sue has been at my side for over 35 years helping me to overcome my addiction. It has been a struggle, but I'm free now. See you in Sturgis!