My Biggest Secret

When I first read that AC wanted "My Biggest Secret" stories, I had no idea what I would write. I thought maybe my biggest secret is my name is the third name I have had in my life. Well, that topic wouldn't have gotten too far, at least for me. Maybe I could have told you all I was adopted, but I already wrote about that a few weeks ago. Should I write about how I am in love with three people, and only one was my husband? Well, that might spark some interest, but it is not uncommon to fall in love with your children right? Then I thought just maybe I could write about my fear, which only a handful of close friends have ever known about. Yes, my fear is my biggest secret as of yet.

My biggest secret is more than a fear. My biggest secret haunted me in my sleep when I was a child and has left my brain scarred for life, figuratively. My biggest secret has made it difficult for me to be outside in the Louisiana heat. It has created terror for me and I just cannot stand it anymore, but I am still not willing to confront my biggest secret head on.

My biggest secret is I have an immense fear of snakes. Yes, many people are scared of snakes, but how many of you can honestly say you know someone who cannot even look at one behind a cage? Everyone raise your hands now because you have now met someone. Even the word "snake" makes me shudder. My fear of snakes goes all the way back to having nightmares as a child. I would dream that I was locked in a giant glass aquarium with the largest snake in the entire world and it would just torment me.

My fear of snakes is more of a phobia than anything else. If there is a snake on television, I immediately leave the room until either the channel is changed, or someone has turned the television off. I refuse to open the "S" volume of the encyclopedia out of fear I will open up to a page with a picture of a snake on it. This phobia goes much further than just the basic fear of snakes which most people might experience.

If you remember the Disney movie Aladdin, then you remember the end of the movie when the character Jafar turns into a giant snake. I have yet to be able to watch that portion of the movie. What grown woman, who has two toddlers, cannot face to see a snake which is non-existent in her immediate presence? I have no idea, but I am that grown woman!

I joined the Army in 2001 and boy was it a challenge to have to go camping in the deep woods of the south, especially after being warned about the prominence of snakes in the area. I would just cringe every time we were told to look in our foxholes for snakes. It was horrible, but I never told anyone I was scared because it would have made me look even weaker than I already was.

I remember when I was in labor with my youngest daughter; I received a call from my husband. He was outside our Louisiana home with a very poisonous snake. It made me almost cry! I was not even at the home when it happened, but because it happened so close to home the fear was almost overwhelming. I went as far as making my husband go to the store to buy some snake repellant and spread around our building, as I was not going to come home from the hospital knowing a snake may come creeping around the corner.

I am sure I am not the only person who has this fear of snakes, but I believe I take it to a whole new level. I cannot bring myself to watch the Animal Planet nor can I look at a cartoon drawing of a snake. When I hear the leaves rustling around my feet, I take off like lighting bolt. Yes, my fear of snakes will haunt me for all of my life. I am not ready to face my fear head on so I will remain captive to my fear forever. So for now, I will just stick to my favorite television channels and books and try to avoid the word "snake" at all cost.