My Biggest Secret

My biggest secret is that I was sexually harassed on a job, and did nothing about it. Sexual harassment can be very insidious and even knowing what I knew, meaning that I have a Bachelor's Degree in Human Resources Management, and on-the-job experience, I still allowed my shame and fear to stop me from doing anything about this person.

The company I was working for gave me a job shortly after 9/11, a time when jobs were hard to come by, particularly in my field of expertise. The state I was living in was glutted with Human Resources professionals and graduates, and it was a fight to get a job. I ended up having to take something that paid less because my husband was unemployed as well, and we needed the money just to get by.

I will never forget when this happened to me, nor my shame at having done nothing. I should have done something. I should have reported this person, and I should have confronted him. Instead I did what many women do, I decided that I wasn't sure that's what had really happened. I thought, "Maybe he hit my bottom on accident." Yeah, right. I knew better, but because I desperately needed the job and did not want to do anything to rock the boat, instead I kept quiet which I'm sure is what this individual was counting on. After all I'd taken a job for which I was way over qualified. I obviously needed it, so that meant that he could do what he wanted right? Wrong. I was wrong not to report this person.

This individual popped me on the bottom a sum total of twice. Many of you may be thinking, no big deal, it only happened twice, and all he did was swat you on the bottom. Here's the problem, many women think this or think that it won't happen again, but the fact of the matter is, you can bet if this person was popping me on the bottom, then the same individual was popping another woman in the office on the bottom too, or worse.

I was afraid to tell anyone at the time because it was a small company, and I knew as soon as I spoke to the owner or Office Manager that it would be all over the office. I already felt exposed as the newest person with the company, I didn't need further exposure as someone who was a trouble-maker as those who report sexual harassment are often thought of and treated. I knew the statistics, and had the on-the-job experience besides having worked in the Employee Relations department at a high profile bank.

Another problem was that this man had been with the company for years, whereas I had only been there just under two years. The thing is, shame and fear regarding sexual harassment can be a vicious cycle. I didn't want to tell anyone for fear that they would think I was over reacting, and or that I might lose the job I so very badly needed. I was also highly embarrassed and mad. Here I was someone with the education, and experience to know better, and I was letting someone that could be sexually harassing other women in my office off the hook. I used to go home at night and cry.

Granted there are other women and men who have experienced far worse than this when it comes to sexual harassment, but remember, sexual harassment is defined as any words or actions on the part of the harasser which are of a sexual nature and which make the victim feel uncomfortable.

I should have gone to my Office Manager, or the owner and told them as soon as this happened the first time, if for no other reason than to make sure that some other woman was not being harassed as I was. As it happens I ended up losing that job not long after the second incident which makes me wonder if someone knew since no reason was given for my dismissal.

It's easy to know what to do and to counsel others, but it is far more difficult when you are the victim to put your own advice, education and job experience into action when it comes to sexual harassment. I hope that others who read this can learn from my mistakes. No matter how minor sexual harassment may seem, always report it.