My Biggest Secret

There are many different people in this world from many different ethnic each with their own custom and culture and in them there also lies many secrets. Some of these secrets are kept sealed never to be reveal while other are secrets that had affected life so seriously that sometimes it had to be reveal. My name is Lee Kong Vang, unlike many people in this world I am a Hmong being born at the Ban Vinai Thailand refugee camp. My family moved to the U.S. when I was very young and since then I never found any reasons as to why I am here simply because nobody never told me but as I grew up I happened to know the answer right from the word of mouth from many of my people. I grew up in a small town called Merced in the state of California and later moved to St. Paul, Minnesota. I started education like many other foreign kids at the time, starting kindergarten and moving up from there while meeting different friends along the way. Then as I reach my teen age, my heart had found someone who I never thought would changed how I feel. It's very difficult to explain but she was the influence of my life, I first met her way before I left California and ever since then my heart had been on her all the way. Like me, she is a Hmong but unlike many Hmong girls she rarely use the Hmong language at all, that's because she was born here in the U.S. and to her talking in the Hmong language is not often required for success here in the U.S. Never had I seen someone so gorgeous not only in appearance but by how way she act and smile. Then immediately from that point on, I then make a vow to myself that this girl was the one for me so I decided to keep her image in my memories until the time is right.

As my teen age progress near its mature point, I finally agree that it's time to reveal the truth between me and her. I recently gave her a called back when I am nearing my high school years but she refuses to chat with me and even when she do it was not like what I had in mine. While chatting with her at that time, I had found out that she was still struggling through school and through life. She had told me that she doesn't had any relationship with anyone yet. I told her if she could be my one soul-mate, she simply reply that she is not sure if she is the one for me because I am a bit too old for her. At the time of this writing, she is now 19 years of age and I am 22 and is turning 23 this coming sixth of July 2007. She never return phone calls and never reply back with any words or feelings thereafter even though I had sent her various letters and flowers to her explaining my passions towards her. I did, however, received one letters from her last July after she received my flowers and letter. The letter itself is just heartbreaking because she admitted that I am a special person but she sees me as a close relative much like a brother instead of a soul-mate and to that I'm beginning to lose hope. All of these were events progress secretly, none of my parents or family members had known of this because I had kept this relationship a secret from them.

Then as my adult age begin, someone in my family had found out about my relationship with this girl and as it turns out the relationship had gone from bad to worse. Not only did my family want to know who this girl is is, but they also don't want me to end up in a situation of sorrow. I finally had to tell my family that she is from Gresham, Oregon, she is the daughter of one of our relatives although not close relatives, when my father found out about this he advised me that choosing her is not a bad idea, but then he replied, "Remembered that in life, just because you love someone doesn't always mean that they love you too especially when she never knew you before." This reply had forever changed me and from that point on had never called her again, yet, I still wrote letters to her and telling her even though life for us goes on differently, she is still the beauty in my mind and someday or somewhere in time I just wish that she could be mine. From that point on, life for me now is nothing but a palm tree in the same yard, I felt that maybe it's best if my secret had never being reveal to it would not had hurt me this much. As of today I am still living with tears and sorrows and every night as I slept, I am still haunted by dreams about her every night that it seems impossible to get rid of that ever going passion. I know she is still out there, might even probably reading this article right now, wherever she is though I hope she had a successful bright future, a future that I myself may never had.