My Biggest Secret: I Regret

A saying that is becoming increasingly prevalent, at least in my experience, is "don't regret, appreciate what you have learned from your past." I hear this in discussion, on TV and in movies, read it in profiles, and generally just notice it all around. When I hear it, I cringe, and people can never understand why I do so-- why it is I regret and why I am even glad to do so.

The basis of my willingness to regret is found in the Bible, specifically Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you...'" God has a plan for my life, a perfect will. In His plan I am happy and prosperous, pleased with my life. The suffering and pain that I have experienced in my life as a result of my own actions have been my fault. God gave us free will so we would not be His puppets, and when we misuse that free will to do that which we ought not, we cause ourselves pain. I will always regret that which was wrong, because I know it is not in God's plan for my life.

But, my detractors will say, what about the value of learning from your mistakes? It is your past that has made you the person you are today. I do agree that there is value in the lessons our past mistakes have taught us. However, I am the person I am today in spite of those mistakes. What my past mistakes have taught me, that has allowed me to become this person I can be proud of, is that God is always there offering His Grace. Each time I have misused my free will and suffered the resulting pain, I did not stoically stand on my own and say "I have learned my lesson and now I will amend my life." I did not because I could not. More often than not, I made the same stupid mistake again. It was God who was wise enough to find an occasion for me to leave town to get away from a bad lifestyle, or have that person I should not be involved with happen to leave the country. Sometimes the way I escaped my mistake was simply by paying the consequences, but even for that I am thankful because at least it made me see that I needed to stop.

The Apostle Paul, in Romans 7:19, admits "For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing." Why should I be glad I engaged in behavior that I did not like, and cannot respect? Why should I be thankful for displeasing my God? I simply cannot agree with the mindset of "no regrets". I wish I had been stronger and kept myself from committing the wrongs I have. The only thing I can be thankful for is God's grace that has shined through, in spite of me. I am happy to express my regrets because it is my way of telling God "You were right", and a good way to keep myself from engaging in behavior that I know is wrong. I respect myself today because I am living closer to God's will. I only wish I could have said the same for myself years back.