My Biggest Secret: Wouldn't Be a Secret If I TOLD You!

It's important to have secrets. At least in the figurative sense: to have some hidden place in the back of your mind where no one goes. Or to have some secret passion that only you take enjoyment in. Trouble is -- as soon as I share my secret, especially my biggest secret, then the cat's out of the bag. It's no longer a secret now, is it?

You'd think after 21 years of marriage there would be no secrets between my wife and I. But no, she still has secrets. Actually it's not so much that she has secrets as much as I have a bad memory. Recently, I forgot her favorite flower. We were watching an Italian game show (which makes sense because we are in Italy) where couples were competing against one another by remembering significant events or details of their long lives together. My wife cracked, "Good thing we aren't on that show, because we'd lose in five seconds!" I couldn't believe my ears. How could she say a thing like that? "You've got to be kidding. Ask me anything you want," I replied. So she asked me what her favorite flower is. And my mind went blank faster than PBS after midnight. "It's a...lily" I answered directly. "Nope," she replied. It came as no surprise that my wife would not tell me. Just her little way of letting me know that I blew it. I figured the best defense in this case was a good offense. So I threw the scenario right back at her: "Hey, there are plenty of things you probably have forgot about me!" But no, my soul-mate replied. She remembers everything. "Fine -- Ms. Know-it-all, I blurted out, (the Italian equivalent of "Ms. Know-it-all" doesn't really exist, but it was something similar) -- so tell me...What happened to me in Greenland in 1984!" Before I could even finish my sentence my wife got right in my face and said, "You saw a polar bear cub!" Damn! How the heck did she remember that? Fortunately my 12-year-old daughter (another know-it-all) was sitting nearby and chimed in, "Mom likes TULIPS!"

Kids on the other hand, love to have secrets. My daughter has plenty of secrets. Or she thinks she has secrets. I think she is in between "phases" for having secrets. I'm sure as soon as she starts to seriously start liking boys she will get deep in to a serious "I can't tell you cuz it's a secret' phase.

Some counselors will tell you that keeping secrets is not good for a relationship (www.christianitytoday) others will tell you that keeping secrets is good while dating but not once you're married (www.should-we-get-married.com). Others think there is a fine line between a secret and a fib. For example, if my wife asks me if she looks good in a particular outfit I may opt to say I don't like the color rather than say it's ugly. I remember pretty distinctly that when my wife and I decided to get married we just decided that "Everything we did or said from this day BACK just isn't important anymore unless there's a need to bring it up." I mean, what difference does it make who the heck I dated before when I'm planning on spending the rest of my life with this woman?

So come to think of it -- maybe I don't have any secrets left after all. That's not true. I just don't have any big secrets to keep from my wife. For everybody else I have plenty of secrets. But are those really secrets...or just a lack of information for anyone who wants to know?