My Brownsville, Texas Black Friday Holiday Shopping Experience

If there is one day in the year I look forward to, it is what the media has termed "Black Friday". Why do they call it "Black Friday" you ask? It is because it is the one day of the year that is almost guaranteed to put a business back in the "black" on their books. On what other day of the year do you see lines of people wrapped around a block and tailing into the parking lot waiting to spend loads of their money in stores? Even if you are not a shopaholic, it is a day that should not be spent doing anything but spending your hard-earned money on the newest toys, appliances, and electronic gadgets. A true conneisor of shopping Black Fridays gets the inserts from the Thanksgiving Day newspaper and gauges which sales are the most truly incredible. This innovative shopper then plans out a shopping route complete with emergency detour routes should backed-up traffic become an obstacle. There are other crazed shoppers out at even four in the morning, so it is best to jack oneself up with plenty of caffeine in order to be suitably jumpy and nervous while driving should any breaks in the traffic occur. Driving gloves are preferable for this special day but if you don't have some, don't worry, some can be found at any of the many department store sales for an incredible 60-80% off.

Just like a robber "casing a joint" you must hit the most valuable merchandise first. Forget about the little things that do not matter, go for big items or things that you just cannot live without like the heat-massaging vibrating chair or the heart-shaped pancake maker for an "incredible" 75% off. All sarcasm and joking aside, this is the day for incredible deals. Some of the most impressive buys I have made are a set of pearls including the necklace, bracelet, and earrings for only $20.00, a gold diamond-and-ruby ring for only $20.00 and a big beautiful crystal bowl for $20.00. Pillows can be had for a dollar, TVs for a mere $75.00, and diamonds and gold for a fraction of the regular cost. The shopping frenzy is real; people grab and push and yell just like on the news and there is an adrenalin in the air rushing through everyone like it does like a pack of wild dogs when there is a kill in the area. People look wide-eyed and have a crazed look in their eye and scan the aisles like the Terminator scanned everything when it looked around the room. It looks as if the red numbers and letters are popping up in their brain as they scan and look around crazily for the best bargain on that aisle. If the savings are not sufficient they move on to the next aisle to scan anything and everything in their path.

I used to go to these sales every year and wait in long lines for hours outside of the store like the most devoted Black Friday shopper until the year that Black Friday, for me, became truly black. I had found an incredible deal to get excited about: a $180.00 cookware set for $39.99. I left the flyer in my house where I could pass by it as I walked past it, like it was a surprise and I could discover the wonderful deal over and over again. "What? A beautiful, new, shiny cookware set including glass lids for every pot regularly $180.00 only $39.99? Wow!", I would tell myself. Then an hour or two later, I would walk by the insert again, conspicuously left on a table and think, "Wow, that sure is a great deal. I have to be one of the first ones in line for that incredible deal." Waiting in those long lines at 2 or 3 or 4 a.m. is not bad, people make small talk and speak of anything they can find that they might have in common, forming a small fragile bond that is immediately broken once the store employee puts his key in the door from the inside to let in the hopeful and excited shoppers holding their newspaper inserts with their treasured items circled in red marker.

Another employee stands right inside the door giving away free token gifts to the early birds thanking them for choosing this store above all the others. I rushed right past him and his meaningless tokens of friendship. I was at JCPenney's new store at our new mall headed for my gleaming silver cookware set and power walked around the center aisle loop in the store, never taking any exit because I could not find the department I was searching for. "Excuse me, sir? Sir," I finally got his attention, "Where is the cooking department? You know, the one with the pots and pans?" He said, "We don't have one." I said, "This is a JC Penney, right?" He said, "Yes, but we don't have that department. The closest one is one hour and a half away in McAllen, TX" That I did not count on. In fact, it blew me away. How could such a recognizable department store not have such an essential and core department? Why had I waited in line for hours? There was nothing else of value to me in the store, not even the man with the token free gifts could appease me. I hung my head, defeated and deflated, and walked outside to my car. My fiance asked, "Where else do you want to go?" I said, "Home. I had my heart set on those pots and pans. How can a major department store like that be missing one of the major departments? Where are we going to find a $180.00 cookware set for $39.99?" "Walmart?" he suggested.

Ahhh, Walmart. the king of kings. People go to Walmart on regular days and walk out with $170.00 worth of stuff that they didn't come for. Imagine the stuff you could get at Walmart on this golden, wonderful day of opportunities. "OK," I consented and we ended up in the mega-parking lot that only had a few spaces way on the outer fringes open. "Walmart is open 24 hours a day so how could I have missed the early morning line?" I asked myself in order to make me feel better about not being in a 2 a.m. line outside of the king of kings, and instead giving my time to the weak and incomplete JC Penney. I ended up getting a $13.00 blender and two $75.00 tv's and some other stuff but nothing could make up for the loss of my beloved cookware set. I ended up buying a token, substitute cookware set at Walmart for $35.00. It was not shiny. It did not gleam as brilliantly as the one I fell in love with in the insert. It never called my name from either inside the store or the newspaper insert like the other one could. Stupid thing just sat there on the shelves in Walmart with never a sound. I had no glossy pictures of it at home to show my friends when they ask, "What did you get on Friday?" Stupid pans, stupid JC Penney, stupid Flanders.

I had never had the air taken out of me like that on any Black Friday. I used to wait in lines with the best of them. I used to be there in the parking lots at 2 a.m., get into the store at 4 a.m., get what I wanted and make the next store by 5:30 a.m., hit the next store by 7 a.m. and so on. I had my route planned out all over the city. I used to have to go home and drop stuff off so there would be room in the car for the next wave. I used to. Who would think that a major department store would be missing a major department? My first thought when I was told that store did not have that department was, "Wha??? Wha???" Who would think of that possibly happening? It is like being defeated by some freak occurence like your wedding being ruined by a snowstorm in Florida, or a safety expert being hit by a bus as she crossed the street, or freak lightning hitting you when there is not a cloud in the sky. This stuff happens. It is weird, but it happens. You cannot feel bad about not planning for this because it is a freak occurrence, but I was so defeated by something no one could ever expect, it took the thrill of the kill away. I feel less professional now, like being blindsided by this JC Penney thing made me less of a professional Black Friday shopper. I feel I am not worthy to run with the wolves now. JC Penney not having a department when it is a department store. What a blow. It is like a leader of a wolf pack being tricked into a trap. How undignified. What a disgrace. For shame.

I have hung up my driving gloves, bought at Walmart for a great 75% off. Now all I can do is drink a cup of coffee, made in my $15.00 Walmart coffee pot (regular $30.00) and sit on my hea-massaging vibrating chair and recall days of yore when I shopped with the best. All I can do is hold out my arm, beautifully adorned with a $20.00 diamond tennis bracelet regular $140.00 from KMart, and point a knowing finger to younger folk and tell them, "You won't believe this but I remember the day when I got the shock of my life, the shock that would take the thrill of the kill out of a pro like me. It goes like this..."