My Child was Caught Stealing!

Many issues parents deal with aren't clear-cut, and the answers may depend entirely upon the individual child. This is not one of them. When a child is caught stealing you must do something about it and you must be firm. I remember quite clearly the day my brother was caught stealing a pack of gum. When we left the store and went out to the car, he showed me the gum saying, "Look, mom doesn't know!" Being five and innocent, he showed the gum to my mother after he showed it to me. I can't say what happened next kept my brother from ever stealing, but it left a huge impression on me.

When a child is caught stealing, you have a great chance to teach them a lesson. This might get painful for you, but it will help them understand that what they did is wrong. Some children under six really can't tell the difference between right and wrong simply because they don't understand the concept as clearly as older children do.

Young children sometimes don't understand how money works. I know for quite a while I thought checks were just free money. You wrote a check and they item was yours. I didn't understand that money had to be in a bank to cover that check. Along the same lines, children may not understand that if they take something without paying, someone else will have to pay for it, or will lose money on it.

What they can understand is that they have done something wrong, and it's never OK to steal anything. When you explain this to your child, don't go overboard trying to explain how money is made when something is purchased or how a store keeps track of merchandise. All they need to understand is that they took something that does not belong to them, and that is never OK to do.

My brother, clutching his pack of gum, was marched back into the grocery store. My mother made him hand the gum back to the cashier, admit that he stole it, and he then had to apologize. My mother then explained to him that if someone else had caught him stealing that gum, the police might have been called.

Now, you and I both know that most likely, that's not going to happen when a five year old is caught stealing a pack of gum, but it will happen when they get older. As far as I know, my brother learned his lesson.

Some parents make the mistake of trying to deal with this on their own. When they catch their child stealing, they punish the child but don't make them go back into the store. Even a small five-cent item should be returned to the store by the child, so they can see for themselves that they have done something wrong to someone else.

Even worse, some parents choose to ignore the situation all together. Even if you are having a tough time economically, there is never an excuse to steal. Failing to punish the crime, as small as it may seem in your eyes, only reinforces the notion that it is OK to take something that does not belong to them if you can't afford to buy it.

No matter how out-of-the-way the trip might send you, always have your child return the item, and explain what is going on. When a child is left unsure about what just happened, they will repeat the offense again and again. Leave little doubt in their minds about the consequences of stealing from others.